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Need some opinion, Pls!!

  • Ozlion104
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16 May 07 #267 by Ozlion104
Topic started by Ozlion104
I’ve been with my husband for nearly 5 years and married for 2 years and 5 months.

My husband who had an affair with his ex employee while I was heavily pregnant and even after our son was born.
Then this girl who went back to France (she was French) because she couldn’t have him as he choose his family. But, they kept emailing each other, he even sending her letter and presents etc…

I only found out recently that when he went to work- he left his email account window on PC,
and I was so tempted to check his emails as he had suspicious sometimes.
The emails he had been sending to her left me completely disgusted disgrace and destroyed.

My husband wants me to have him back, wants a family life with us but, I do not know HOW? and WHY now?

During I was pregnant, giving a birth to our son, looking after him – my husband had been a laugh with someone else behind our back.

I just don’t know what to do, what’s the best things for us to do… all my mind is getting divorce is the answer but then, thinking about our son’s future – he needs dad too..

My husband do not want to get divorce, wants to try hard to put things in right way for us but, I am not sure.

I feel I’m totally trapped, I want to go back to my parents but they are in Japan and it will be humiliating me to go back because of what’s happened to me either.

If anyone can give me an advice – I’d be appreciated.

Thanks for reading my boring story with my poor English.

  • lexie
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16 May 07 #269 by lexie
Reply from lexie
I WOULD STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU TRY COUPLES COUNSELLING BEFORE YOU MAKE ANY DECISION.IN A CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT AND WITH SOMEONE TRAINED TO POSSIBLY FORCE YOUR HUSBAND TO EXAMINE AND DISCUSS HIS BEHAVIOUR YOU MAY GET SOME ANSWERS THAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL MORE CONFIDENT IN YOUR CHOICES.IF HE IS GENUINE THEN HE WILL AGREE.IT IS HARD TO KEEP THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE AT THE MOMENT I KNOW BECAUSE I AM IN A HOPELESS POSITION AND WOULD HAVE GIVEN ANYTHING FOR MY HUSBAND TO AGREE TO COUNSELLING.ONE STEP AT A TIME AND GOOD LUCK.

  • Ozlion104
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16 May 07 #273 by Ozlion104
Reply from Ozlion104
Thanks for your reply, lexie!
I appreciate your advice.

I don't think he will say No if I ask him about couple councelling but, thing is
if I still love or care him? the answer is "no, I don't"
after what happened.
But, sake of our baby - I'll try to put things back to as
normal as I can and give it a try for the councelling.

  • DownButNotOut
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16 May 07 #274 by DownButNotOut
Reply from DownButNotOut
Ozlion,

You are clearly going through a bad time right now so I wanted to give you some positive thoughts.

Only you can decide if the right path for you is to stay with him or seperate.

If you leave him:
- you have nothing to be humiliated about, you did nothing wrong
- you should try for your son's sake to maintain a good relationship with your ex-husband
- the law in UK will ensure you receive the financial support you need

If you stay with him:
- you could try and forgive him and perhaps don't let this one mistake make you think he is totally bad.
- many men have secret fantasies and in some way this email relationship was perhaps a way for him to get some excitement without hurting you
- he may be telling the truth when he says he wants to stay as a family
- dont forget what is good about him, remember the things that you love about him

I wish you well in the future whatever your decision.

best regards

  • tigstheterror
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17 May 07 #279 by tigstheterror
Reply from tigstheterror
Try to stay positive if you can,i wouldnt stay with someone you dont love just for the sake of a child,i know that sounds harsh,but the child would be better off with 2 happy parents living apart than 2 miserable ones together!
If you can go for some counselling on your owm and see if you can sort your feelings out first,at least that will give you a head start,and if you still feel that it is all over at least you can tell him so with true conviction!
It's never easy when there has been true betrayal but he is now wanting his cake and to eat it,rather selfish i'd say,he isn't really thinking of what he has put you through,only his own selfish wants and needs,he should have though of that before he started messing around on you,and while you were pregnant!!! thats despicable!!
I hope you can gain some comfort and at least some virtual friendship from here,it must feel like a daunting task you are about to embark on but stand your ground and dont be intimidated,good luck and take care,Sherri.

  • Ozlion104
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18 May 07 #293 by Ozlion104
Reply from Ozlion104
I suggested to my husband about "Couple(marriage) Councelling" and got unexpected answer from him says "what's the point?! - if we or I go to see counsellor and tell them that he's been screaming, shouting, being voilent and cheated on me - then anyone would say "LEAVE HIM" end of. that he says. Yeah, he's right. I know anyone would probably think w"hat's this girl doing, having a baby with him in the first place?" I thought he'd changed. It's my fault for giving him too many chances.

He keeps saying that "I promise, things will get easier."
But, "What's "things"?!
I need to be STRONG at this point - not to take his crap anymore.

Again, thanks alot reading this and
THANK YOU "DownButNotOut" & "tigstheterror" too!

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