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Mediation

  • Shelia
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16 May 07 #277 by Shelia
Topic started by Shelia
Hi
I'm trying to decide whether to go to mediation or not. My split was horrible, I had to call out the police.

Would I be better off just going through the legal process?

mediation would be cheaper, but what happens if it does not work? I'm like the idea of it, but am a bit scared.

Are there any disadvantages to mediation?

  • Louise11
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17 May 07 #286 by Louise11
Reply from Louise11
Shelia

Just to let you know, please please PLEASE try mediation first if you can, we wrote to my husbands ex wife two years ago and asked if she would consider mediation, she said NO! And promptly sent us a solicitors letter. Two years later we are still going through the legal process, it was our final hearing Tuesday and Wednesday of this week. Its now been adjourned for 4 weeks. But at least now we can see light at the end of the tunnel. We have had to be litigants in person because we could not afford representation, his ex wifes legal bill was read out in court this week! THIRTY THOUSAND POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!! The Judge nearly dropped through the floor and told her to seriously question her solicitors bill. If you go down the legal process you will end up with so many sleepless nights, it makes you extremely depressed at times and you walk around with a black cloud over your head, wondering where it has all gone wrong. The trouble is.... where do you stop? 5k? 10K? 15k? on and on, you end up so deep in it financially that you cant stop. Mediation only works if you both agree with it and i so hope you do. If it doesnt work then you can still go down the legal path, but my honest opinion is try mediation first it will save you so much heartache.
Kind regards and good luck
Louise

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18 May 07 #303 by Shelia
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Debzz

Thanks for taking the trouble to reply. The money side of of does worry me. It's not wanting revenge or cause any agro, that's making me question mediation, it's just things got a bit ugly and I'm not sure I can face him. I freaked out when I found out he knew where I lived.

Suppose I could try it and stop if I couldn't manage.

Sorry to hear of your troubles and hope it's all sorted for you soon.

Best wishes

Shelia

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18 May 07 #304 by Louise11
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Hi shelia,
Sorry to hear the position you are in and i fully understand your fears, i am sorry i cant be much help as i dont know exactly how the mediation path goes. As far as i am aware its not much different from sitting round a table with a councellor whose trained in these matters. I wish you luck and hope in time you will get your confidence back and can face the world with a bright future and put the past behind you.
Kind regards
louise

  • Liago
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20 May 07 #321 by Liago
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Sheila

Was in a similar situation. mediation only works if both of you accept the marriage is over and are willing to negotiate over the finances, access etc. It does not work if one party is a complete ass and wants to be obstructive or difficult.
The legal process takes forever and can work out very expensive but it may be the only way forward in some cases. Good Luck

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21 May 07 #326 by mumof2
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Hi shiela
I went to mediation and I found it helpful in some respect, but what I wanted to tell you is you can have shuttle mediation as I did.
Due to xs unreasonable behaviour we were interviewed in seperate rooms with the mediator darting back and forth. Dont let facing him put you off, they will work with you and it is cheaper, If mediation doesnt work the courts could order a full CAFCASS report but on children only not finances so it would be better to show that you are willling to give it a go.
Good luck

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21 May 07 #334 by Shelia
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Hi Mumof2

Thanks it's helpful to hear from someone who has been through it. I'm finding it tough going at the moment.

Also thanks to liago for your useful comments. I'm not sure if it will work, but there's only one way to find out.

Seems no one has found mediation unhelpful.

Shelia

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