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I don't want a divorce

  • karen123
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04 Sep 07 #2860 by karen123
Topic started by karen123
My husband and I have been going through some problems for some time now (approx 3 years). We have both tried to work at it in our own ways, but it was come to a head this summer. He moved out in June and in with friends to see if a break was what we needed. He's never been one to make decisions and when I met him a couple of days later he told me that his head was so messed up he thought we should divorce.
I suggested he take a few weeks to stay with his friends and decide if that's what he really wants - I do not want to end the marriage.
After 6 weeks we met and spent a while catching up and it was very friendly and enjoyable. Then he hit me with it - that after 6 years of marriage and 9 years together he wanted to end it. And told me that he no longer loves me.
At first I was shocked and angry, but over the next few days was devastated and terribly upset. I have tried on numerous occassions to discuss with him a reconncilliation and possible way back for us. To revive what we had when we first met. A lot of what I say is falling on deaf ears. This has continued for a few weeks now and finally a couple of weeks ago we had a great chat for a few hours in the pub without getting 'serious' about what was happening to us.
I was shocked and told him that I couldn't understand why he wanted a divorce when he can happily spend time with me.
He now wants some time out to decide whether he enjoyed our time together because of the length of time we have been together and our history or whether it's something else.
It's killing me just waiting around for him to come back to me. He's still at his friends house and I have moved back home with my Mum.
Has anyone got any advice for me. It would be much appreciated.

  • gone1
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04 Sep 07 #2861 by gone1
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Hi Karen. Sorry this has happned to you. The only advice I can give you is just wait. I know its killing you. You could force the issue by setting a time limit. However; I did this and I was told I was pushing her the other way so it may not work. But its your right to know if you have a future with this man. I know your world has been turned upside down and its happned to many on here. Just wait and see what happens. All the best. Chris.

  • OBEs 1 canoodly
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04 Sep 07 #2870 by OBEs 1 canoodly
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Hi Karen,

I'm really sorry to have to ask you this but are you absolutely sure he doesn't have someone else because the scenario you have described made me feel he has someone else and his behaviour towards you is one of guilt and he cannot fess up but just keeps telling you he needs time out?? This really sounds like someone who is really living with the guilt of having met someone else?? I hope I am wrong!

OBE

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05 Sep 07 #2873 by Jerseylass
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HI Karen,
Iknow its horrid being left to wait. I've been doing that for the last 4 months, waiting to see if my hubby wanted us to stay together or not, giving him breathing space to make up his mind (see my blog it might help). We have now both decided to sparate. He couldnt make up his mind so i forced the issue and gave him an ultimatum. Hardest thing i've ever done, but for my own sanity i felt i had to. It was driving me crazy hanging around waiting for an answer to which i kept getting'i dont know'. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and do what best for you. I am still in the marital home and now looking for a new place to live and things are amicable between us. Hang on in there for a wee while but dont let him mess you about, you take the initative and maybe when you feel strong enought, tell him to make a decision, so you can get on with your life. Good luck
Pauline x

  • karen123
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05 Sep 07 #2875 by karen123
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Isn't it amazing how things can change over night! I got home to my mum's yesterday and she had seen my mother in law in the local supermarket.
Even his Mum thinks he's leading me on and gave me mum some information of what he's been up to.
I went round to see his Mum last night and the up shot of it is..... you were right OBE - he has got someone else. He was even seeing her when we met up two weeks ago! I demanded to see him last night to hear it from himself. He is now angry and upset that I am asking questions!!! There are some things I just needed to know. How old? Name? What kind of relationship do they have? I'm just so angry.
It's going to be a hard process with him getting all our finances sorted. It's left me with such a bad taste in my mouth. She even knows about me. I feel so foolish in wanting him back and the efforts I have made. No he thinks I'M being unreasonable!

  • scottishlady
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05 Sep 07 #2876 by scottishlady
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Hi Karen....
You really are having a rubbish time aren't you?... and I feel for you!
The phrase 'attack is the best form of defence' comes to mind....
It Does sound to me as though your 'H' is getting annoyed with you because of HIS guilt...
I had a conversation with my x2b on Saturday... and he was as mad as hell!....BUT.... again, I think he was using the attack/defence scenario.
Try to stay strong - you will get through this!!!!!

Kindest Regards
Karen:)

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05 Sep 07 #2891 by gone1
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Hi Karen. Well there is your answer. Now you know why. For me it was all denied. I asked and asked. In the end he told me. The family friend. Well he was supposed to be. He just wormed his way in and took over.

What are you going to do now? Chris

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