It''s been a while since I posted and here I am again - same problems with ex and having to go back to solicitors. He has started being hostile and aggressive on the handovers and dictating when and how often I can contact him by phone, text or email. Because he considered my communications with him excessive (more than one a week)he made a formal complaint of harassment about me to the police. There obviously was no evidence for this and the police did not pursue it.
Because of this I have asked my parents to facilitate the handovers of the children.
My question is this: My parents are quite willing to stick to the handover times in the Consent Order but are they bound by them? The reason I ask is that on a couple of occasions the handover has been a few minutes late (the children wanted the toilet etc) and me ex has ''fined'' me by returning the children even later than usual.
Any thoughts, anyone?
You need to stick to your side of the Consent Order. It is silly getting hang up on a few minutes at either end as children do have last minute urges to toliet etc.
However, if the handover times are getting later and later from the times agreed, I would suggest you/your solicitor writes a letter saying if the Consent Order times are not ahdered to it will be necessary to return to court for enforcement.
I think it all depends on how late? if its worth making a issue over.
Thanks for the reply maisymoos but what about the fact he made a malicious allegation of harassment against me? This man is a control freak who wants me to communicate only when he says or he will go to the police. He also threatens to stop the handovers if I am not available but my parents are (and have been doing it regularly for three years). He insists on having everything his own way. The Consent Order has to be followed rigidly other wise he ''fines'' me extra time. So don''t ask me to be reasonable with what he is doing. What I am looking for is advice on what do to do. I am at the end of my tether.
Frustrating though it is unless the school has voiced any concerns it may be better to bite your lips hard and ignore the lateness. If your ex thinks he can''t wind you up there will be no point to the "fining."
Allegations and counter-allegations aren''t at all uncommon and usually there isn''t a great deal you can do about it other than maintain physical and emotional boundaries. If you have a contact order to adhere to is there really any need to communicate with your ex other than in an emergency?
Good advice Fiona but it still leaves me with the problem of the allegations to the police. If he is prepared to go that far, what else is he likely to do.
As to lateness, this weekend (my weekend) I agreed to let him have the children for two nights in order to celebrate his 40th birthday. he brought the children back 25 minutes late with no explanation - and yes I was wound up and upset by this. This is typical of the behaviour I have had to put up with since our separation in August 2009. Now he has got his girlfriend to make false allegations of harassment to the police. Fortunately these were unfounded but it shows the extent of his maliciousness. So I find it very difficult to bite my tongue or separate it physically and emotionally. I am sure many ex-wives can empathise with my situation.
I do empathise but as Fiona says the less you react the less he will get out of winding you up. To be honest, 25 minutes is not a big deal, though I can see that it is worrying if you think he won''t return them or if he is presenting this as a ''fine'' for late arrival with him. Many resident parents have to put up with the children being hours late back sometimes. Just get your parents to smile sweetly and welcome the children back and he will eventually stop bothering.
The police clearly aren''t taking his and his girlfriend''s allegations seriously either, so try not to worry about them - eventually the police will tell him where to get off.