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Stbx seriously affecting my health...

  • Goodtimes1
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12 Jul 12 #342829 by Goodtimes1
Topic started by Goodtimes1
I''m in an awful situation. My stbx keeps having tantrums and just rants at me for ages (usually when he''s had a drink, it makes him extra vile). The worse thing is we have a young daughter who is now getting stuck in the cross fire and is hearing rants and getting affected by all this.

My problem is I work full time and this is taking a toll on my health - I''ve been to the Doc''s a couple of times with panic attacks/palpitations, all they can do is give me medication. But the situation is getting worse.

If his behaviour continues have I got grounds for a non molestation order or exclusion order?


  • Marshy_
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18 Jul 12 #344039 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Goodtimes1 wrote:

If his behaviour continues have I got grounds for a non molestation order or exclusion order?


Perhaps. But you would have to prove it. And that may not be so easy if you have no witnesses.

What I would do is walk away. If he starts on you, go somewhere else. Like the bathroom or a bedroom you can lock. This is what I used to do with my ex. I found it very effective. As they cant do anything if you are not there.

Keep a ready bag handy. Search the site for info on ready bags. C.

  • humdrum
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18 Jul 12 #344108 by humdrum
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Similar behaviour from my stbx but included intimidating behaviour such as punching walls, kicking doors, standing in my personal face and trying to stare me down etc. My solicitor initially suggested applying for a non-molestation order but eventually concluded that it would be unlikely to succeed in my case (emotional abuse, not physical). She said I would more likely than not be given an order that required him to only be in parts of the house at certain times (ie to regulate us both continuing to live in the house). I think a more radical solicitor might have tried harder - emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence as you can tell from the impact on your health and I regret not trying it now as what followed was a long and painful state of more of the same until things got worse and I decided to leave. You are working, can you afford to leave? I can''t tell you how wonderful it was to have my own home, even if it was rented and even thought the disputes continued over. At least i got a bit of a chance to destress each day rather than the 100% stress of trying to live in the same house as someone who couldn''t hold a civil conversation about anything and being eiether ignored or shouted at. If you can afford it, think about it. You might never recover from this kind of stress and there is resarch that says that people who go through acrimonious divorces on average day younger than those whose lives are calm and relationships remain intact. A friend told me of a friend of hers who dropped dead of a heart attack whilst going through an acrimonious divorce. Do you have kids? They need you healthy and strong.

so more difficult for her to put across as something with a serious impact. I think other solicitors would have taken a different stance. She also said that judges needed

  • bluefairy
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18 Jul 12 #344124 by bluefairy
Reply from bluefairy
Me too

Bullied and abused for years. He had total control but I am determined to stay strong as I believe that I have the right to live my life in peace and he needs to accept there are laws and rules that all of us have to follow.

He has caused so much pain to people that loved him what an idiot.

Your health will suffer if you don''t find ways of coping with the stress. Just remember there are people who can and will help you.

Take care and good luck

Blue x

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