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Turmoil!!

  • Mrs Smith2012
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02 Aug 12 #346983 by Mrs Smith2012
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Hi Everyone....never been on a site like this before but feel like it might provide some useful support??!!

I am going through a real crisis at the moment. I have been with my husband for 20 years (married for 10). We have 2 beautiful children. For a while now I have fallen out of love with my husband. I announced this to the world in December 2011 which devastated everyone! He moved in with his parents in January but moved back in May. Ideally I don''t want to feel like this but feel I am only trying for everyone else''s benefit. I feel completley trapped and alone! I never imagined that I would find myself in this situation. He is a good man who I respect greatly, a wondeful father but I honestly cannot see me wanting to be with him for the rest of my life!!!

Thoughts, experiences, words of wisdom????!!!!!

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02 Aug 12 #346993 by sun flower
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Oh Mrs Smith, I wish I had some....as the one who was left I want to say ''don''t do it - find a way, for the sake of your kids and family'', and yet I can see that is exactly what you are trying to do. I hope someone can help. Have you spoken to relate - even on you own and made sure there are no issues from your past that are manifesting themselves as this problem?

Having said all that, my plea would be, if you leave, don''t leave for a third party...it muddies the waters so much. Leave, establish a routine and contact with the kids before involving a third party. I have two friends who have broken marriages this way, and although it has been painful, there hasn''t been cheating, nobody has lied, the children haven''t felt disloyal to one parent or the other, and the families seem to still be able to work as one. Where third parties are involved and trust is broken, the memories together are tarnished this is much harder for everyone. There are time for new partners once the worse of the pain has subsided for all. I wish you all well.

  • Mrs Smith2012
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02 Aug 12 #346994 by Mrs Smith2012
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Thanks for your reply.......no one else is involved, I would never do that to him or the kids. Having said that I am concerned that if somebody did show either of us attention at the moment we might jump into something we would both regret, after all we all need attention don''t we? Yes, we have had councelling, but no real help to be honest, it just helped us focus on what we don''t do well together!!

He is my 1st love, we met when we were 17.....I don''t know if this is just a matter of we have had our life together and it''s just not meant to be anymore.....I honestly wished I felt differnetly.....x x

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02 Aug 12 #347009 by Fiona
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I was married for 20 years, and we both tried very hard to make things work for the benefit of the children for 8 years before separating. Whilst the feelings were mixed up there might have been some hope of reconciliation but when you fall out of love separation is inevitable.

You feel awkward, have nothing to talk about and don''t want to be together. Nature seems to have a way of distancing yourself. I felt irritable for no good reason, found my husband''s habits annoying and grew unhappier and more resentful each day. The dream of growing old and walking into the sunset together was completely shattered. Falling out of love and hurting somebody you still care about is one of life''s cruelest situations. It''s painful and confusing and a process filled with doubt and guilt.

Hold on to the thought that once the turmoil dies down there is life after divorce.

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02 Aug 12 #347013 by sim5355
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hi! mrs smith i totally understand i am now divorced but still going to court for the finacial settlement 2 years down the line.Like you it was a hard decision and i felt terribly guilty but at the end of the day you cannot live your life for other people as you only get one chance.Follow your gut and good luck

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02 Aug 12 #347017 by sexysadie
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My ex stayed long after he had stopped loving me and it was horrible for everyone. In retrospect I wish he had had the guts to leave rather than wait until he drove things to a crisis.

It sounds as though you and your husband have outgrown each other. The leaving part will be hard but it will be better for everyone once it is done.

Best wishes,
Sadie

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03 Aug 12 #347123 by Mrs Smith2012
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Morning everyone......well after my cry for help yesterday I found it did work to share my thoughts with no emotional attachments!!

It hepled me then talk to my husband last night....I should feel lucky to be so supported by him, he is prepared to stand by me whilst I go through what he calls my decision!!!

So how come then on paper and from the outside world looking in do I not want my perfect life anymore?? I understand those who think I am selfish in these thoughts, but I cannot ignore how I feel!!

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