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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.

What to do first

  • Carole18
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24 Aug 12 #351794 by Carole18
Topic started by Carole18
Hi, my husband informed me on tuesday he has been having an affair since may of this year.
He has moved out of our family home but wants to return daily to see our child.....can I stipulate days,times,etc at this stage?
He is also saying I have to sell our house...our child is 5 years old is this true ?
Who/where do I go to for help re: :
Debts/ mortgage
Thanx for any answers :dry:

  • fairylandtime
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24 Aug 12 #351797 by fairylandtime
Reply from fairylandtime
Hi Carole18 (((hugs))) and sorry you are here. I was in complete shock when my x left, look after yourself.

What helped me most is is the 60 day no contact rule mentioned on here, prior to taking that up I actually spoke to x more after we had split than before. However, with a 5 year old that is more difficult to put in place.

Have you seen a solicitor, you can usually see one free for half an hour, also look on here in the guide area this is really good.

I would suggest mediation with your x if you can to sort out contact and the finances, don''t know about you but I couldn''t discuss things with x on a one to one basis and the mediators were really good.

You could also try the cab (although I haven''t experience here many do).

So in order, I would
See a sols for at least the half hour free ... Will you get legal aid etc they can help you here
Start (or continue) to gather information, re bills, debts, accounts, etc etc
Check you are getting the correct benefits
Find out about mediation
Either via sols or direct suggest mediation with your x

No I would also suggest that you x doesn''t pop in daily, this is my opinion only I know others will disagree, due to him seeing you child etc, but no he cannot take the house from you the important thing is to ensure housing for your child.

Stay stong JJx

  • Action
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24 Aug 12 #351800 by Action
Reply from Action
Welcome to Wiki and also sorry you find yourself here. Having said that, it''s good that you have found this site so early on as you will get so much help and support.

Your husband cannot force you to sell the house and a court is unlikely to force a sale when there is a housing need for you and a young child.

Research as much information as you can so that when you do go to a solicitor you know exactly what you need to ask. I found CAB useful at the very start. They can also advise what benefits you may be able to claim.

You must be in a terrible state of shock right now so do not rush into any agreements or major decisions.

Is your husband still paying the mortgage etc. or has he left you ''high and dry''? Do you work?

I found it really useful reading through the Matrimonial Causes Act, to keep reinforcing into my brain how things are split under English law. I had to frequently quote parts of it to my ex husband as he didn''t have a clue. He had obviously not done any research into how things are split. His unwillingness to accept the reality added a good year onto us eventually reaching an agreement.

When you are feeling a bit stronger, start by making a list of your needs. If you are in great financial difficulty and he is no longer contributing then you could consider applying for a Maintenance Pending Suit.

Has he gone to live with the other woman or somewhere alone?

There are lots of people on here who will be able to advise on the finances if you are able to give more information, including your ages, length of marriage and cohabiting prior to marriage, income, value of equity in property, debts, loans, pensions etc.

Look after yourself and take one day at a time.

  • MrsSadness
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25 Aug 12 #351812 by MrsSadness
Reply from MrsSadness
Yes, welcome Carole. This site is so invaluable as a source of help and support as Action has already said. Take care.

  • Carole18
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25 Aug 12 #351816 by Carole18
Reply from Carole18
thanx for replies........finances are really complicated a i get paid monthly so we pay all the bills, mortgage etc out of my wage & he gets paid weekly so we live off his wages...he has handed money ova this week but Im scared this won''t last especially when he moves in with his new girl friend.
he says he hasn''t moved in with her yet & is staying with a friend at work.
i do currently work full time but due to working 12 hour shifts both days 10am-10pm & night shifts....Im not sure if i will b able to continue due to child care issues. (this also scary )
as everyone on here will already know its the not knowing which is scary x

  • Carole18
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25 Aug 12 #351818 by Carole18
Reply from Carole18
another question.....he says he hasn''t moved in with her yet and is sleeping on friends sofa....which means he has nowhere to take our daughter too
do i let him back into our house & i go out ?
does he have to find permamant housing before he has daugher?
is it best to have set days times etc from start ?
if he does move in with her do i have to allow him to take our daughter there ? do i have to meet new girl friend before daughter goes ?
thanx x

  • Carole18
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25 Aug 12 #351819 by Carole18
Reply from Carole18
were currently on a pre-payment mortgage at this stage should i ring mortgage company & ask to go to interest only ?
should we keep paying full amount ?
help my mind is buzzing with all sorts of questions

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