hi, i read in another post that the courts say a wife puts in as much as the husband because although he is the breadwinner she is the home maker. But in our case she was neither, i would work alday and then come home and cook the evening meals, the housework was left to the weekend when i was at home to do it, and when our son was little i would be the one getting up in the night, also i would take holidays from work to take him to medical appointments, so apart from giving birth and taking him to school she was not a mother to him, and she was not the home maker either so why does she deserve a share of the home i paid for and maintained
At least I've got less work to do now there's only me and the dog!
I dont think it matters Mark. A wife is somone you marry (usualy a women) and a mother is a person that gives birth (always a women). Thats as far as it goes I am afraid. Seeing as we have no blame divorce now it doesent come into it apart from padding out the reasons in UB. Thats as usefull as this gets realy. Chris.
What about the fact that she gave you the one thing that you could never get yourself and that is a precious child who is worth more than all the money in the world! If you look at it like this then surely posessions and money mean absolutley nothing and your resentment of the lazy being will pale into insignificance. (well heres hoping anyway)If someone said to you give me every last penny you have otherwise you will never see your child again, Im sure you would live in a tent to ever prevent that|!
I understand how you feel but what ever you say to a court, it wont make any difference,where conduct is a part of the argument, you married this woman, you lived with this woman who did nothing, its something you cant get away from, so therefore, before it eats away at you and causes so much bitterness, look at it from a different angle and maybe, maybe you may just be able to keep a hold on a bit more of the financies, before they get swallowed up in a long drawn out battle.
Just accept it and try to get it all over with asap, so you can move on in life and resentment doesn't eat away at you.
P.S. My husband always said to his ex wife, he would always take care of her (i.e. his pension), those were his vows when he married her, but that was before she choose to have numerous affairs, makes youu angry that the vows you make, somehow mean absolutely nothing in the eyes of the court when it comes to conduct.
But I suppose in defence, you marry for richer or poorer, but then again you dont expect it to mean one lives poorer, or that one can do what the hell they like and come out best either. O well such is life.
What about my situation? We have no kids. My wife worked full time most of our 9 year marriage. We shared the housework and she paid £130 per month towards household expenses compared to my £900. Before you ask no I do not earn 7 times her salary, not even twice her salary. Whenever there was major expense like the washing machine breaking down that was my responsibility because I earned more than her. She made no contribution to the mortgage at all.
I work in a highly stressful job and have to leave home at 6am and rarely return before 8pm most evenings as I have a 3 hour daily commute. She worked 10am until 5pm and works 20 minutes drive from home.
Yet, she rarely lifted a finger to tidy up the house which looked like a bomb had hit it, her mess, I'm reasonably tidy.
She wasn't a home maker, I had no wonderful children, I had to cook my own meals, in fact I was the only person who did anything around the house and she made a pitiful financial contribution.
No wonder I was always broke and she was having the life of riley.
Now it would seem that I am expected to give her 50% of the equity of a property that I owned for 10 years before I met her. She moved in from rented accomodation.
Is that fair? Am I resentful? Well I wouldn't be human if I didn't feel it.
Having said all of that I agree with Louise's sentiment the only way to get through something like this is to acknowledge the emotions and then keep a level head.
Thanks wikivorce for the opporunity to express these feelings of unfairness or else it would eat me up.
I believe there is nothing a pair of people cannot do or live through if there is goodwill and trust between them, let alone love! "For richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health" does not include an awful lot of things.
There is a difference between fulfilling vows badly and breaking them. No one is perfect and everyone has a right to life, but no body has the right to make another person's life a misery.
You are right about children. They didn't force anyone to bring them into this world and a parent's responsibility and affection lasts for ever, however damaging a divorce may be to the "family unit", sometimes it is the least worst option bearing in mind that being dead or deranged whilst still married is no substitute for being available to one's child but divorced.