I'm new to this site,(so please be gentleB) ).
I have been "considering" divorce for the last three years, I have left once, but was caught upon a weak moment (I suffer from mild depression) and moved back in as my daughters were begging me to.
I now, cannot stand to be near my husband, fear his mood swings, as he becomes very verbally violet and on a number of occassions recently has become violet to items within the household - i.e tv's cars, jewellery etc.etc. - to the point I am scared.
I know I must leave him for the sake of myself and children, and have sought and even got all the paperwork sorted to start divorce proceedings, but WHY.... can I not bring myself to actually do it??
Because you are not ready yet Violet. It took me seventeen years to free myself from my destructive and abusive marriage although I had left my husband and gone back to him on a number of occasions. It was only once I stopped being afraid of him and realised that if I did not leave him and divorce him then I would never have a chance to be happy or meet someone who would really cherish me or appreciate me. You will get to the point where you know that you have no other option. Best wishes.
I agree with Bathsheba, you do reach a point where you know that you can not continue living a lie and you have no choice.
NI'm not sure about being able to 'stop being afraid' though....
I am constantly on edge that everytime something does not go his way, ie a solicitors letter. He will turn up unannouced and "kick off" again (for want of a better phrase. He is a bully.
My life is an emotional rollercoaster, but I live in hope that by finally standing up to him now means that one day in the future I will be a happier and more relaxed person.
This is true. Had my tyres slashed twice my wing mirror pulled off and scratched my car. His footprint is still on my back door from trying to break in (broke in through connecting garage door - forced garage door open- cant afford to fix).
Police came and the male officer said to my ex go calm down but your best off out of the ohuse anyway I know how you feel im getting divorced
Nice the law is on your side since the police came out for criminal charges and did nothing.
I'd been unhappily married for 23 years, desperately wanting to get out but felt so ill-equipped to cope on my own, I felt I'd never be able to make the break. Until last October when my husband was accused of obtaining money by deception, fired from his job and I discovered he'd also mis-used family money, my inheritance as well as taken out massive loans without my knowledge in our joint names. I was so disgusted and horrified (I never thought he was dis-honest!) that I found the strength to leave him. My life on a day to day level is like the script of a soap-opera and the future is very uncertain financially due to all the dreadful things my ex has been up to) but getting away from him is the best thing I've ever done. I now realise I AM capable and competent and am able to handle all the 'grown up' things my husband led me to believe I couldn't deal with. My on-going depression has lifted. I'm stressed, as angry as hell, dis-believing and scared but am quickly realising I have the right to a better life and that the more I do, the more I can do. It would be great if people on here could help keep each other strong when they feel stuck, frightened etc. I never ever thought I'd be in the position I am right now, that my life could be turned upside down or that I would be facing dreadful financial circumstances at this stage of my life (I'm 46) but here I am - totally taken by surprise and having to find strength to keep going day after day, problem after problem and when I feel I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. It's soooooooo hard but it would be great if we could help one another be brave.