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Intimidation & Harrassment

  • IKNOWNOW
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01 Oct 07 #4168 by IKNOWNOW
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I need some advise. First my x2b cross-petitions me, I have accepted his cross-petition but denied particulars, I just want a divorce, I don't care who gives it to who. He is giving me a lot of hassle verbally etc. He lives elsewhere but keeps returning to property (which we joint own) where myself & our 5 children (between 1 & 10 years old) live. He phones me from my home phone on my mobile to tell me he is sitting in the house when I am out. He comes to the house purely to threaten me with this & that. When he has contact (which is going to be difficult now as he walked out of mediation to discuss contact)he verbally abuses me and intimidates me in front of our children. I ask him to leave but he knows that I cannot stop him from coming in the house. He helps himself to a cup of tea and something to eat and just sits there. On advise of my solicitor I reported him to the police. They gave him a polite warning & the first thing he did was phone me up and hurl a load more abuse at me. All the police can do is log the harrassment as he is doing nothing criminal that they can charge him with. I am an emotional wreck and am trying to hold it together for the sake of the children. They don't know that the police are involved. He rings and doesn't say anything or rings & rings & rings. He works for the ambulance service & the other day came to harrass me in the ambulance - parked across from my house for over an hour with his mate watching him swear & threaten to bash my door down amongst other things. I can't take much more. It will be Easter at least before the divorce is through and until then he is allowed to come & go as he pleases. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks Sarah

  • mike62
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01 Oct 07 #4170 by mike62
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IIKT,
No expert, by any means. I have seen postings on here that tell users to keep a log of these kinds of harrassment. They also suggest a non-molestation order. If he is harrasing you, there are legal remedies. It isn't nice to think that you have to employ those remedies on someone who fathered your children, and shared your life, but there comes a point where you personal sanity and the well-being of the children are paramount. Do you have a sol? It seems the time for talking nice is over. You have a right to live without fear of his behavioural antics. Speak directly to your domestic violence unit within the local police service. They ought to be able to advise you.
Good luck with it - can't imagine how difficult it must be for you.
Take care
Mike

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01 Oct 07 #4171 by PETAL
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My hairdresser has an ex similar he got 2 mobiles 1 he calls psyco line and she has the number - is a pay as you go, other mobile landline you keep and change the numbers. Only give him the pay as you go number then he has a number for kids.

Change the locks babe I know they say not to but I was terrified when mine was behaving like youre.

Police did nothing when he came back to the house threatening me several times and emptying house of all valuables saying think ill tale these - as I was a wreck.
He thenslashed my tyres on more than 1 occasion hey presto police say need proof it was him. Pulled my wing mirror of my car and started coming to my work.

My 1st sol was useless and let him do anything so I got one who took notice and threatned to get him locked up..

Police dont like domestic stuff but keep calling then each time to get a crime no. Give the numbers to your sol.

Like I say change the locks least then you will get some sleep with your kids without thinking he is coming in.

Dont forget change yr other no's and get a new one for your not so nice ex.

Feeling intimidated now will go away and he will realise he cant scare you anymore.

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01 Oct 07 #4175 by Fiona
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If your safety or well being or that of your children is at risk by your x2b pestering, threatening, harassing you or annoying you deliberately (this may include persistent telephone calls or text messages) ask your solicitor about a non molestation order. This can forbid the behaviour and/or stop him coming within a certain distance of your home. Breaching a non molestation order is a criminal offence.

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01 Oct 07 #4177 by Sera
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I heard that you can't file a case for 'Harrassment' against a partner, (someone you live with), but you can get a non-molestation order, against what he's doing, including not phoning you if that's ordered by the judge.

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01 Oct 07 #4199 by tiesys
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Hi
Just thought I would throw my bit in the ring here because I have been on the other side.
My wife left me at Christmas after 16 years and thhe last three years and three kids. The last three years have been hell on earth.

In July, I found out she had been seeing someone else for at least two years. So rang her and asked her - she didn't confirm or deny, just said it has nothing to do with you who I'm sh******. I went to seee her boyfrien and we had a "discussion".
Shortly afterwards, I got an offensive txt from Ex. I sent one back a couple of days later.
At 5.30 the next morning I was arrested on two counts - threatening behaviour (from him), and harrasment (from her).
After 10 hours in a cell and a two hour interview, in which I produced her original text 9so they droped her charges); in terms of him, I got an adult caution.

The point I am making is that if this guy is harrasing you and threatening, try and get a witness - he won't have a leg to stand on or get a video camera and hide it. I don't know if it's admissible, but at keast the Police may have a different veiw.

Also, if you can't - just take out a non molestation order - you can take one out virtually for any reason.

Good luck,

Mike

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02 Oct 07 #4209 by IKNOWNOW
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Thank you all for your input. I spoke to BT today and have actioned a "Choose to Refuse" on my home number where I can block his number, although I don't know how effective this will be as he has access to a number of phones when he is at work, but it may just help him get the message that there are things I can do. Have got a new sim for old mobile to give him number so he can contact kids. He rang & threatened me again this morning but I just put the phone down. Have drawn up a contact schedule which if he doesn't like or continues to intimidate me will go out the window & he will get Contact Centre on Saturday mornings only.
Awaiting mediator to sign off saying that he walked out of mediation in order to process my advanced application for legal assistance, until then I cannot apply for a non-molestation order. Will keep you posted, but I feel stronger today, thank you.

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