I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO , PLEASE HELP

iam in a really complicated position . i feel that my marrriage is over my husband constantly lies to me and lets me down , he has caused me to have a nervous breakdown 4 years ago and at the ime he admitted it was his fault we have been married for 15 years,he has ran a business for the last 7 years that is now sinking fast , we have had to put all our savings in it to bail us out of this mess and we will not go back to work , i am curently looking for a job but he expects me to find something immediately . my main worry is even if we sell our house that has £120000 in it , what will i be entitled to ,we have 2 children 13 and 10 that will stay with me , i feel if i dont hang on until we both find jobs that i could be in a real mess with no maintanence , if i get a job and he doesnt the money that i will get out of the house will not be enough to start again, i am really confused as to my entitlement , please help , thank you

MarieP,
I understand that your financial difficulties are not the reason for the divorce.
If the house deeds don't have your name on them then you need to stake your claim quickly as it seems to be your main asset (as a couple).

It would be best if you both found jobs. If your husband isn't looking then it will go against him in a final showdown. If the kids stay with you, you will need the majority of the assets and will be awarded that.

Your entitlement isn't certain, nobody's is - there is no formula, just a lot of nebulous guidance as to what should be considered.

Hang on in there and hang onto the house.

Hi Marie. Sounds like you are going thru a tough time. What makes you think your marriage is over? Have you been to see a councilor? I know money worries damages relationships. Why is he lying to you? Is he trying to protect you? Chris.

he says he is trying to protect me ,but he also admits that he lies when theres no need to . he has got through a massive amount of cash to keep his business going even remortgaging to pay off debts then spending on everyday household bills without me knowing so it didnt have to come out of his business so the debts are still there, the thing is the business could do well i know i could make it work , even after 7 years he still isnt cut out to run a business ,he practically gives products away , he would not hand it over to me so thats not an option.4 weeks ago he went to ask his ex boss(worked for him for 16 years) for a job , the boss said come back in 2 weeks and we will sort something out , hes never gone back , the guy was on holiday for the first week of the 2 so he couldn`t just set him on there and then , but guess what husband has now decided he changed his mind and doesn`t want to go back now , great .i really dont recognise him from the man i met 19 years ago who always looked to save for the future , i now have the added problem that a good friend is telling him he could start another business doing something completly different ,maybe so but what if he makes a mess of that too , every week he says he is going to do the right thing and sort himself out ,he never does

Marie. Have you sat him down and spoke to him? He sounds all at sea. You sound fed up but you dont sound like you are ready to divorce. 19 years is a big investment. It would be a shame to bin it all. Chris.

Marie,

Can I give you some very sound advice?

Your story sounds very much like mine which is why I am no longer with my childrens father. We were together for 24 years. I sold my property in London to move back to his part of the world because he was homesick and because we could afford a better standard of living there as housing was cheaper. I had been through a rotten time with my mum dying with cancer and coping with a 2 year old so I was suffering bereavement and post natal together!!! Then I gave birth to our 2nd child and within two weeks of doing so moved house from London to the Midlands!!! Was I worn out? Yes you could say that! All this just knocked me for six!!!

I have always been on the ball with my finances and have been good at all my jobs or business's that I have been involved with and have always made money.

Trouble was I was so depressed 'cos of the above events that I just handed everything over on a plate to my partner and hey ho like yours he spent every penny I had made on the sale of my house trying to set up his business, he took out bank loans, we had bought several properties to rent out, that was our plan for our pension, he took out further loans against them, he took charges out on our house and his parents too he had bank loans, credit cards and I thought we were having a lovely life due to the fact he was making my money work ~ I didn't realise that had long gone!!!! How stupid could I be??? He ended up not paying the mortgages on the other rental properties and we had them reposessed then he went bankrupt and I spent the next 12 years working 7 days a week helping to pay it all back!!.

I walked away in the end....I needed a life...one that didn't involve working just to make ends meet!

When I look back though I realise that in the main a lot of it was my fault!!! I should have taken hold of the reins a lot earlier! Trust me my ex is the biggest control freak on the planet but feeling like my old self again I have realised that I could have pulled in this strength from somewhere a lot earlier I could have maybe saved us. Like you, I know I can run a business and actually make money, like your partner, my ex was great at losing it - goodness knows how but he was and I should have recognised what was happening but he lied and I realise his lies were to protect me from knowing about the mess he was getting us into!!

Sometimes I look back and feel very sad that all of this is what has led to the breakdown of our relationship. I am with OBE now and I am extremely happy even though I have just gone through another 18 months of financial hell over his divorce, I am getting stronger and stronger by the day but I have a life and a bit of my own money in the bank. I am in contact with my ex who still lives in our former home but he is still knocking up debt on credit cards and having to work 7 days a week to fund all of that and so when I get sad I think of that and compare it to the life I have now and I realise that if I'd have stayed with him nothing would have changed..............

.............then again if I'd have taken a hold of the reins????????? Who knows???

MARIE, take a hold of those reins now!! I don't know how much your relationship means to you but divorce is not a nice path to go down and it is also very very expensive and the legal system is brilliant at driving you apart even further! If you value your relationship with this man at all tell him in the most loveliest of ways that you are bored with your life and you would really love to become involved in his business, so that you can work together which in turn may bring you closer as a couple, allow him to feel that he is still very much the boss and in charge but slowly slowly (catch a monkey!!) turn the business round, the way you say you can, take a leaf out of my book and understand I am giving you the advice I should have given myself years ago.

I am very, very happy now and have found my absolute soul mate..........but that doesn't happen for everyone and you could end up very very lonely!

May the luck be with you,

OBEs 1