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Kids meeting ex2b's new GF

  • Flower21
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17 Oct 07 #4804 by Flower21
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Well, here goes, he left 3 and a half months ago but kept giving me hope for another month or so. We have 3 girls 8, 6 and 4 and we live in France. He now mostly lives in the UK with gf but comes back every other weekend to see the girls.

He is coming back on Wednesday with ng and is having the girls for lunch on Friday so that they can meet her. I feel sick and nervous but the best parts of me want it to go well. The worst wants them to hate her... they won't I'm sure. I feel very threatened and just wanted a bit of support to get through this hell.

It's a very rural community and I am so angry that he wants to bring her here. He has a flat about 4 miles away next to the girls' school.

He has behaved apallingly to me and this is the last insult. This is my home, how dare he bring his mistress here?

  • sexysadie
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17 Oct 07 #4805 by sexysadie
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Hi Flower,

I'm sure it feels awful but you are right to think it is better if it goes well. If this new relationship lasts then your girls are going to have to meet the new partner sooner or later and it is probably best got over with before they start feeling that it's too much of a big deal. I know it's very hard for you that she has come to so near your home, but it's probably better for the girls to be on their own territory, more or less, and to be so near you so the meeting doesn't have to last too long. The alternative, presumably, would be for the girls to go and stay with the two of them, which would be much worse. Find something productive to do while they are gone (I find getting rid of my husband's stuff very therapeutic at such times) and try and get some benefit from the free time.

Good luck,

Sadie

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17 Oct 07 #4817 by freebird
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I can totally sympathise with this situation. After 23 years together I discovered my husband was having an affair, as soon as confronted by this he started divorce proceedings on my unreasonable behaviour.
He held a fiftieth birthday party 2 months later inviting many mutual friends and took his girlfriend with him. It was my husbands wish to introduce my young child to this woman at this early stage.
I discussed this with my child who was not comfortable with this,therefore I did not allow my child to go as I thought situation was wholly inappropriate.
Im sure many people will not agree with my decision, however I believe it was the right choice for us.
:kiss:

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17 Oct 07 #4824 by Flower21
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Goodness, at the party? Wow. That's really inappropriate. This will be lunch for about 2 hours as they have that long for lunch on a school day.

I will be at work all day, but I'm not sure how efficient I will be...

  • Sera
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17 Oct 07 #4837 by Sera
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The only consolation; is that the girls know who their mum is. This new woman can't tread on your toes!
In separation unfortunately we do have to witness our once dear-loved partners start afresh and move on with a new partner. (I've met many people who've said that 'death' would have been preferable, and they'd have had more sympathies from friends).

When I was single, I'd often meet men with kids, they may have been adorable, and much loved by their repective parents. However, to me (as a new girlfriend) they were simply 'BAGGAGE'. I smiled, I was nice, I even changed nappies!!! But secretly, I wanted my new 'mate' to myself. I wanted new boyfriend to be lover man, not daddy. (That's not selfish, that's me being honest!)

I was a mother myself, and when I was out dating, I didn't want to meet his kids. I know many men are eager to introduce new women, just because they're not too confident about being alone. Does he feel he can't take young girls to the loo or something? if not with a woman?

My ex-husband moved in his Internet lover, my son, then 15, treated her like an AuPair! (He just staed that she cooked 'better than dad', ironed his shirts etc).
When I did pluck up the courage and went for a coffee with her, she just moaned about my ex!

My son knew me to be his mum, so she became 'dads girlfriend'. Your kids will make up their own minds, but admittedly, they are very young.

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17 Oct 07 #4838 by Flower21
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I understand what you mean about baggage. He told me that she was quite jealous of him talking about his girls. She's in her late forties and hasn't had kids. He has always been a good father... we'll see how he does now.

I'm sure the girls will be really nice even if only to please their father. It is basic jealousy, she's got my man, why the hell should she get her claws into my kids too!!!But when I think about it, when they meet new people I lways hope they are nice and friendly and feel good when they charm people. So why should this be different? Well, it just is.

I have often thought that death would be preferrable, more final, then you can ust get on with it. This way, it drags on forever it would seem.

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17 Oct 07 #4839 by Flower21
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I understand what you mean about baggage. He told me that she was quite jealous of him talking about his girls. She's in her late forties and hasn't had kids. He has always been a good father... we'll see how he does now.

I'm sure the girls will be really nice even if only to please their father. It is basic jealousy, she's got my man, why the hell should she get her claws into my kids too!!!But when I think about it, when they meet new people I lways hope they are nice and friendly and feel good when they charm people. So why should this be different? Well, it just is.

I have often thought that death would be preferrable, more final, then you can ust get on with it. This way, it drags on forever it would seem.

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