Just a quick post to say thanks to those of you who posted replies to me over the pasy few days. I was feeling very low but yesterday went home feeling more in control again. I need to take control back and although I blame Ex for a lot I need to take responsibilty too because I let him take control. They are not "his" kids, they are "ours" and he needs to remember that.
Fingers crossed I can keep this up but Im not going to promise that I wont be back moaning again.
No probs! If you can't moan here, then where can you moan!!
We all have our days, and as the chat room shows, we're all pretty much in the same boat, in un-chartered waters, and we support and learn from each other.
I just want to share this with you:
Just stay strong for your kids. They will not forget who their mother is, even if you are not the parent with the residence. They are yours for life. Be there for them, and when you aren't physically in their company, just re-assure them you're at the end of the phone if you need them.
They will adjust to not losing a parent in divorce. Your ex might be hostile now, but if you can attend their functions; school Parents evening etc; and show a united front, all the better for them and their well-being.
When you take back your power, and make positive posts like 'they are our kids', you will be better able to cope.
(You could say it another way: "Don't let the Bast*rds get to you"!)
Tinny, you are most welcome - the people I have met on here are wonderful, because they care. If you ever feel low, someone will make you smile, or show you a different angle on something, or even just take your mind off it. Seeing other people's lives and their personal issues often helps you to put your issues into perspective. And it's nice to have a shoulder to cry on when you need it.
I wanted particularly to echo what Sera said about going to parents' evenings, etc. You don't have to show a united front if your ex won't play that game; you can go on your own if necessary. Most schools are very supportive about both parents being involved with their children's education, and most primary schools will make separate parents' evening appointments for each of you. You should be able to get them to supply your children with two copies of letters home, newsletters, etc. If the children don't want or can't be bothered to pass them on (I only get the ones from mine because I go through their bags regularly) then leave a pile of stamped addressed envelopes with the school office.