Please excuse my first post!, I have been seperated from my Wife for over 12 months although still living in the marital home(sleep in the conservatory) we both lead seperate lives and have 2 children, Things have got rather starined the past few months and she has asked me to move out as to prevent the arguing affecting the kids, I am happy to do this as a friend has offered me a place to stay. I am arranging to see a solicitor next week regarding going the divorce route as is she, I am just concerned that by me leaving i may be classed as deserting the home!. I pay all the bills at the moment as she doesnt work. Could anyone give any advise please as to where i stand if i leave.
There are various aspects that are impacted by this decision to move out.
The most significant is that it can (in some cases) lead to you getting reduced contact with your kids and in extreme cases losing contact - until you apply for court order for contact to be restored. You may feel this wont happen in your case - but be aware.
A second impact is that it places the mum very clearly in the role of the full time carer of the kids. And as the courts place a great emphasis on supporting and housing the kids then the mum in the former marital home with kids will come out far better financially than the working dad who has left the home. Though it has to be said that even if you stay in the home for now - if the court believes that the situation post divorce will be her with the kids and you working then the she could get the lions share of the assets anyway.
Whatever you decide on whether to stay or leave i thought it worth mentioning that a key focus for you as you embark on the divorce process is to control costs - you dont want a bitter fight that costs you 10 grand each in solicitor bills. So it is in both your interests to be amicable, keep costs down, and try and reach agreement on a settlement. There are things you can try such as mediation which are much cheaper than court battles and there are also solicitors who take a collaborative approach to divorce by negotiating rather than pursuing aggresive court action.
Thanks for your replies, it was much appreciated, My ex has now decided she wont divorce me as it will cost her to much!, and i guess i have no grounds to divorce her, it was me who ran up debts to keep her in the life she came adjusted to but were in my name, guess im stumped!.Would legal seperation be an option?. Sorry for all the questions but this is all new to me.
Yes you could get separated - but either way the key things are:
1) To get a formal financial agreement signed so there is no future comeback.
2) To keep the costs of this down by basically agreeing the deal between yourselves (if possible) and then using a solicitor (or online divorce company) to draft up a legally valid agreement document.
Thank you all, i will investigate working out an agreement with her. As theres very little collateral in the house due to re-mortgaging to pay off my debts, could i agree to pay the mortgage until the children leave home and then work out what will happen to the house or will it have to be sorted out before we seperate?. Sorry to confuse you all.