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Why do people start affairs?

  • duncan McEnzie
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26 Oct 07 #5326 by duncan McEnzie
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Thank you .

  • soulmanuk
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26 Oct 07 #5334 by soulmanuk
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a lot of this sounds true to me. she lived in this little world of hers, everybody changing to meet her demands, everybody moulding them self to her way of life then she said it was like a butterfly being let out of a cocoon. the things she was planning to do with me she is now doing with her new partner only thing was it would be 4 years down the line before we could do our dreams,she managed to do her dream over night, my dreams have gone, the kids dont want to know her, so some of her dreams have been shattered, but somehow it as been all my fault.

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26 Oct 07 #5335 by soulmanuk
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a lot of this sounds true to me. she lived in this little world of hers, everybody changing to meet her demands, everybody moulding them self to her way of life then she said it was like a butterfly being let out of a cocoon. the things she was planning to do with me she is now doing with her new partner only thing was it would be 4 years down the line before we could do our dreams,she managed to do her dream over night, my dreams have gone, the kids dont want to know her, so some of her dreams have been shattered, but somehow it as been all my fault.

  • mike62
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26 Oct 07 #5336 by mike62
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Yup soulman - I have one like that. I have christened her 'Teflon Tracey' (name changed due to libel laws in this country, but it begins with T ;)) Nothing ever sticks to her. Everything is somehow explainable as somebody else's shortcoming. Glad to hear I'm not the only Teflon Tarnisher in this site!

Cheers,
Mike :)

  • phoenix1
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19 Feb 08 #14345 by phoenix1
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I strongly believe that people start affairs for one reason only

1) Communication,
The person who has the affair feels that there is something missing in the marriage which might be love, affection, excitement, lust etc and rather that talk about how they feel with their partner they choice not to and so when someone shows interest in them it makes them feel good and excitement returns and the affair is started.
I wish my wife have talked to me about how she felt, I was not an unloving husband, or so I thought, I brought her flowers EVERY week, I took her on surprise weekend breaks abroad, I told her I loved her every day (at least once) I cooked her breakfast in bed every Sunday. But that wasn’t enough or it wasn’t what she wanted but how was I to know?
If we could have spoken about our feelings before her affair we would have stood a better chance of saving our relationship.

It also isn’t her affair that killed the relationship as despite her having ‘’sex’’ with someone else I would of taken her back with open arms, it is the lies, deceit and un answered questions that hurt the most.

  • rosiegirl
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19 Feb 08 #14346 by rosiegirl
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How true broken, that its not necessarily the physical act of sex that kills a relationship but the betrayal of intimacy and emotion with someone else, plus the lies and deceit involved. I too have experienced that and had the blame for it turned back on to me.

Its that betrayal of trust that i can't forget or forgive and it makes me very sad to realise that my ex's actions will affect my future relationships because I can't quite bring myself to trust someone in the way I used to.

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19 Feb 08 #14347 by phoenix1
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Agree Rosie, I never ever thought my wife would have an affair, I thought our relationship was built on friendship and trust and I would of bet my life that she would never have an affair, but how wrong was I?
Some people find it hard to understand how I could of taken my wife back knowing that she had ''sex'' with someone else, but the reason is simple, I beleieve that most of us have had ''sex'' at somestage during our lives with someone who we didn't love. Sex is very very different to ''making love'' and that is the reason why.

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