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Why do people start affairs?

  • ToxieDogg
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20 Feb 08 #14524 by ToxieDogg
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Emalou33 wrote:

I think there are some very genuine reasons why people have affairs and not all circumstances are the same, but does anybody think that there is a definite body clock thing going on between 35-45, as my husband and I did not have a bad realtionship and he was not a naturally deceitful person - so what triggered it? i genuinely think it was a grass is greener and he doesn't seem to have figured out that it isn't yet....

Yeah, with my ex, it really was a case of the 'grass' being greener......she's now shacked up with a habitual pot smoker 10 years older than her with 2 kids, who has gotten her into the habit as well...she now appears to sit around getting stoned all day with him when they're together. I never knew her to smoke anything odd at all while we were together.

  • Sami
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20 Feb 08 #14525 by Sami
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I'm sure many of you would condemn me as a person who had an 'affair', but I would never have even thought about it if my marriage had been happy.

My ex was a complete control freak and I only stayed because of the children and the fact I simply couldnt afford to leave. My new partner stayed with his ex for the sake of his children .We both thought long and hard about the consequences of what we were contempemplating before taking such a big step. However as we had both suffered years of misery, we felt we deserved some happiness.

Our 'affair' is not a fling, nor are we seeking temporary excitement. I make no apologies for falling in love with with someone who is not only my lover but my best friend and my soul mate. My only regret is that we couldnt have met before our marriages and so avoided the heartache to our children.

  • Vail
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20 Feb 08 #14537 by Vail
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On what basis could anyone here would condemn you?

You have a right to be happy. Clearly you and your x grew so far apart that there was no loving relationship any more; no marriage to save.

It is heartwarming to read that out of such sadness a new relationship with another has grown.

I hear a lot about how second marriages or cohabitation work so much better. Presumably because the participants are more sensitive to compatability and only embark upon such a relationship after careful thought and not trusting solely to emotion AND because they are also more sensitive to signs of discord and communicate better.

Unfortunately it is also known for second and subsequent relationships to break down, for whatever reason.

Nothing is certain save for death and taxes.

  • Tinny
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20 Feb 08 #14539 by Tinny
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Hope you dont think I was complaining when I said "the problem with this thread". It wasnt my intention, honest.:)

I think there are many people on this site who have been wronged. Understandably there is then a lot of anger about affairs. There are less many who volunteer information about their infidelity (a few very brave people have responded). I wonder are there more who worry about confessing.

My Ex cheated on me and it took me a long time to realise that our life together was not as it should be. I probably should have left him but instead I met somebody who supported me, I had an affair, I told my Ex and left. Short version.

I feel very concious of the fact that to the outside world I am the one who broke the marriage up, I cheated. I havent broadcast his infidelities or any intimate details of our marriage so it is assumed it is all my fault. I think it is the injustice of the situation that makes me so angry.:angry:

I want to feel that i can be myself on this site without being judged. Im sure there are many like me.


  • duncan McEnzie
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23 Oct 08 #59092 by duncan McEnzie
Reply from duncan McEnzie
To those who thought long and hard before having affairs.Did you think long and hard before getting together with your lovers or afterwards.

  • hurt ian
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23 Oct 08 #59106 by hurt ian
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Duncan, this is my first week on the site and I can understand your thoughts about the mental state, my wife got found out on the 26th September. It would appear your story is very similar to that of the one I am living the nightmare at the moment!!

All the best Twin - new wiki

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