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Why do people start affairs?

  • Autumn
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23 Oct 07 #5151 by Autumn
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For me it isn't really the fact that he is having an affair or even that he never tried to save our marriage, it is the lies, deceit and cowardly way in which I have been treated.

I know that if it was me in his shoes, I would have treated him better.

Autumn

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23 Oct 07 #5161 by Flower21
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I agree Autumn. I was willing to patch things up after the first affair. The affair didn't really count, it was what led him there in the first plce that really matters.

People are lazy, why don't they try harder. Do people really expect a marriage to be all sunshine and roses? It takes work and doesn't always come easily. People change, but they remain the same people deep down, you just have to work together to get what you want out of life and to compromise, not everything, but here and there. Especially when there are children involved, otherwise they get the idea that as soon as the going gets tough, that you are allowed to walk away from your responsibilities.

Perhaps I sound like a puritain, but I'd like to think I'm more of a realist. Honesty and trust are the cornerstones of a good realtionship, without them you have nothing.

  • mike62
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23 Oct 07 #5162 by mike62
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People change, but they remain the same people deep down, you just have to work together to get what you want out of life and to compromise, not everything, but here and there.

Honesty and trust are the cornerstones of a good realtionship, without them you have nothing

Flower,
Couldn't agree with you more! The trust thing troubles me greatly. Right now, I don't feel that I will ever trust someone again. My STBX, when she told me that 'we' were over after 22 years, told me that she had been thinking about it and planning it over 18 months. How can one partner reasonably come to that conclusion over that kind of period without reference to their partner? Where is the trust and honesty in that?

No, our marriage was not a bed of roses, but it was worth more than a simple uncompromising one-sided decision.

Bitter? Me? Hmmmm!

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23 Oct 07 #5169 by Camberwick green
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I think here are different reasons for affairs happening, My Husband has cheated on every one he was ever with (this I didn’t know until after we separated) he always blamed the other party, been divorced 3 times already and blamed each of them yet it was always his fault.

He is now doing the same with me, saying I had an affair when all I did was strike up a friendship at the end of a very hard year whilst he used blackmail on me and resorted to verbal and nearly physical abuse, I needed people to talk to and one person in particular I became close with but we didn’t become ‘involved’ until we separated and I told him it was over, even then it wasn’t physical but I can see how it could have become that way very easily and i'm no cheat, never have, never will

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25 Oct 07 #5276 by denmanra
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i agree is it a quick no harm done or is it a commotment to other things

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26 Oct 07 #5301 by duncan McEnzie
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Maybe cos they dont really love us. A bitter pill to swallow but it is the truth. People who just stick at it for the kids etc are just sticking at it for themselves and in the end will cause even more hurt by treating the other like shit and then ultimately blaming the other for everything thats wrong in their relationship.

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26 Oct 07 #5302 by duncan McEnzie
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They are wired differently we are stickers. Its as simple as that.

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