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does the pain ever go away?

  • asylumseeker
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22 Oct 07 #5129 by asylumseeker
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I met a girl in India and we married in a great rush, without getting to know each other, and she came to live with me in the UK. Very unfortunately, it quickly became clear that we were not a good match and the marriage was an unhappy one. We split up after 6 months but carried on living together for about another 5 months. It has been about 6 weeks since she left and my world feels empty without her, even though I was the one who initiated the break-up. Being on my own seems rubbish in every way although I do not want to go back to the relationship because I remember the day to day horror of that. It feels like I cannot live with her and I cannot live without her. At work I find myself having to run into the bathroom sometimes to cry my eyes out. I do not get any pleasure or satisfaction from anything and all I am doing is suffering. Life feels aimless and pointless, although some days I feel okay and glad that the marriage is over. It feels like my wife has died and even though the marriage was brief and unhappy, I am really grieving for her and for the loss of all those hopes that we had at the beginning of our relationship. I thought things would get better after we split up but the suffering goes on and on. I feel like I have a fresh wound right inside my chest which will never heal. Will it heal?

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23 Oct 07 #5171 by Camberwick green
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The pain heals but the scars remain, fortunately you will move on and be happy again but if you feel this way it will always be there under the surface, it is just like grief, takes time to dull but never actually goes away

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24 Oct 07 #5191 by gone1
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Hiya. Yes the pain does go away. But it takes a while. Its failure divorce and we are conditioned to think that failure is bad. Its not realy. Failure is part of the proccess of life and during our lives we have a lot of failures. But the real crime is to not learn from it. What you did was totaly stupid. Ask anyone in the street and they will tell you. Get to know someome 1st before you marry. Now you are suffering becuase of the mistake you made. But all is not lost. You will live to fight again and be wiser becuase of it.

There is a song by Amy Whinehouse. Its called love is a loosing game. Ten story building on fire. Some love is like that. A roaring fire. But a roaring fire burns out quickly. A longer lasting love is built on solid bedrock. Friendship. Love built on a good freindship is much longer lasting. It starts slower but develops into a slower burning fire. As we all know that type of fire lasts longer.

You will go thru days of missing her its natural. Shows your not a total bastard. I went thru total hell and I felt guilty and I blamed myself. I was not to blame of course as my wife did the dirty on me. But you also have feelings of guilt which makes it worse. We all feel this and its natural. Give yourself time to get over this and in time you will put it down to experiance. You will be able to learn from failure. As we all do. And I go on to much. I must stop doing this. haha. Chris.

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