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OK the $64,000 Question - How do you its over?

  • JulesW
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04 Nov 07 #5836 by JulesW
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Ok, I know that there are going to be no specific answers and every answer may be different. But I still want to ask the question.

No fighting, no violence just a gradual cooling of relations. Wife seems to talk about divorce as the only option but her closest friends say that with them it is not so categorical. But she is unwilling to approach the subject of couples counselling even to help part as friends.

Do I keep hoping that we might talking or just agree with her and move on?

That would be thinkable by itself but with two kids (8 and 5) not so easy.

Any answers would be good answers.

Thanks

  • scottishlady
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04 Nov 07 #5838 by scottishlady
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Hi....
There is nothing wrong with hope.... and if you can hope and try to sort things out, then that is obviously the best way to go...
On the other hand... if your wife is adamant that there is no future for the two of you together, I think there comes a point when it is something that you may have to accept.. and try as best you can to remain amicable for both your sakes, and the childrens...
I have no personal experience of divorce with young children, but, I think if you both try to show how much you love them and try to put on a united front then they will deal with it easier than if one or other of you become disillusioned by the situation...
I wish you the best of luck
SL
x

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04 Nov 07 #5845 by Sera
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Someone once posted :

'It takes two to dance a Tango, but it's over when one leaves the dancefloor'

My ex has also given me mixed feelings, although with time, and his embittered Court proceedings, I have accepted that he will apply for divorce.

This sounds like she doesn't wish to continue. You can't make her seek help.

A lot of us have been left High and Dry, and spend months, or years in limbo, not knowing our fate.

Try and stay amicable for the kids sake.

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06 Nov 07 #5952 by gone1
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hiya fat boy slim. Take 2 people to make a marriage and 1 to break it. I am of the opionion that mariages last around 10 years. After that I think people get fed up with each other and in this internet age look for something else. I digress.

I think you know its over when one of you thinks it is. Her not wanting to save it is evidence that she wants a change and that change dont involve you. People can be very cruel.

You spend your life with someone and after a while they just ditch you.

Let me try and give you a crappy analagy.

A car or a house is a big investment. Would someone just throw it away when its worn a bit? No they fix it. Why? Becuase it costs something. It has a value. But you my friend have no value to your ex. She is simply discarding you. This happens a hell of a lot.

To me people are of value. They are worth more than a bit of tin or a few bricks. People are the most valuable thing there is. People is what makes life so great and they also make it so bad. But thats just me. We are not all the same mate. You cease to be worth the writing on the mariage certificate to your ex. C

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06 Nov 07 #5963 by Sera
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We live in a disposable age of mass consummerism, and nothing it seems is forever, transient homes, jobs, life partners etc.

I think there should be a massive reform on the whole marriage system, so that we do not have unreal expectations that marriage is until 'death-do-us-part', and do not feel so massively injured as a result when it's over.

As Chris says, most marriages do not last more than 10 yrs.

I think there should be a marriage certificate issued for a period of 5 yrs. After 5 yrs, it will be up to each of the parties to re-new it, or let it expire. We could then abolish the pain of the Divorce system, both for ourselves, and our children.

Anybody getting married, and changing their mind, (like my ex, after just a few months) should just have to wait for the natural expirey date on the Lisence, before starting afresh.

What is sad in all of this, we are mostly scrambling around for answers; and closure, (From inconsiderate partners who are too damn nasty to even recognise our pain, and need for emotional closure)

The courts, mediation and legal system do not wish to deal with emotional issues.

Welcome to divorce hell. :dry:

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06 Nov 07 #5974 by dun
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A German politician has suggsted a 7 year contract for marrige. Not sure how the suggesiton went down in Gemany.

  • JulesW
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06 Nov 07 #5975 by JulesW
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Chris I can see where you are coming from.

Perhaps I am one of those motorists who prefer to keep maintaining the car even though it is beyond its economic value. Like some car owners who won't send it to the scrap heap and want to keep it working right until it becomes a classic.

I don't really think of marriage as a car but I was just trying to reply to your view.

I don't think it is ready for the scrap heap yet but it has been a tough MOT and I hope more corrosion does not pop up now that we seem agree that some work needs to be done. If we have done enough work to get it back on the road for another year perhaps we will both be more careful about regular maintenance (do not mention servicing).

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