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Bondage or no bondage??

  • attilladahun
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20 Nov 07 #7162 by attilladahun
Reply from attilladahun
There is a danger here of things getting out of hand.
Analyse..
1. Marriage sadly over -you can't make her love you
2. The child needs both of you.
3. Just because she has an alternative lifestyle most would not agree with as long as the child is protected it really should not be an issue only if you let it.

There is always the risk that you let it because either you are angry / dissapointed etc the marriage is over.

4. Is there really any need to seek a Residence Order -it is really very destructive.

As a divoce lawyer of 30 years + I would seriosly think you should both see a trained lawyer mediator to sort these issues out.

Under the Children Act 1989 the Court should NOT make an order unless it is necesary. I would negotiate some ground rules with the mediator so BOTH parties know what should be expected of them viz a viz the child.

5 Always remember it is your divorce not the childs so telling the child about mum's lifestyle etc is as bad abuse as the what you seek to protect the child from.

6. Ineviteable divorce has financial implications - the mediators fees may even be free if you qualify for legal aid.

7. Child matters are best dealt within mediation not Court

8 Remember you will have to have a working relationship with your spouse until the child leaves university SO do not make communication difficult by taking an entrenched or possibly a moralistic view.

9. A relationship for the child with BOTH parents and their extended families is the RIGHT of the child not that of the parties.

10 Always ask the Question --what is best for the child?

11. It is very important the child does not lose respect for the other spouse

12 It is tough when one has been let down / betrayed etc not to take out that anger in one's actions- This is what being a good parent is all about eg letting your spouse see the child regularly even though you may ant to punish the other etc.

13. Remember marriage guidance can often help both parties separate and divorce they are not just there to facilitate a reconcilliation

14. Often parties need counselling and help to get through this difficult time.

15 It is bad enough to lose a partner without the dire £ consequences of lenghty litigation which will cost you ALL.

What would be better - an inexpensive settlement negotiated in a neutral atmosphere or make both you and your wife spend such little capital you have.

Remember for every £1 spent you will pay £3 ultimately when you have to borrow more £ on mortgage because of the capital you both spend upon legal costs.

We settled a potntially complex case swiftly one day when the one thing the parties readily agreed was the kids and parties would BOTH benefit from a holiday abroad rather that pay my fees to Keep me in a manner which I am accustomed!!

....Falls off soapbox...

What makes us Humans amazing is how we have the wisdom and sense to overcome trajedy and disapointment.

We can on occasions cause those we love accute harm and hardship.

Go on show your spouse you have real "bottle" and swallow pride for your child's sake and reach a fair settlement - as you both will need accomodation where the child will enjoy staying contact and a home.

Why not agree Joint Residence -it does n't necessarily mean the child spends 50% of the time with you both -it can be flexible.

Do hope things improve and work out for you both.

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