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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

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The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

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  • moonstar04
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09 Nov 07 #6217 by moonstar04
Topic started by moonstar04
My sister has offered me a three bed house to rent as you know, with the option to buy once my financials are sorted.

Today I have to give her the answer as to whether or not I am going to accept as she really needs to get it let as Ihave been dragging my heels slightly.

My quandry is:

Do I accept and go live closer to my family with my children. Knowing that I will have to hit the benefit claims before I can rebuild my life and get a job. Or do I stay and ride this out to see what the outcome will be even though we have both been told the house will likely have to be sold no doubt as too big for either one of us to stay and maintain. But hopefully in the knowledge that I may end up with more money later??? Is it really all about money where do the emotions come in all this?

My sol has advised that if I was to go my ex may start a residency order to gain our daughter back as I would be taking her 2 hours away, plus I would be splitting daughter from brother who by choice wants to remain with his dad he is 14. That said sol also stated that the chances of him wining were slight given his work pattern etc etc.

My point I guess is that I will have to move anyway so why delay when I have the chance of house 5 mins from mum and sister etc etc.

Feeling so low today, want to just bundle everything in car and go but cant as I am working later so need to give 4 weeks notice anyway. But still torn with what to do. Thinkin gof giving notice in at work and just going sick for a while till it all sorted anyway.

I am not asking what you would do guess I am asking if anyone has had to face a similar situation before leaving the marital home.


  • loobyloo
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09 Nov 07 #6248 by loobyloo
Reply from loobyloo
Hi moonstar
as you know i did just that in june servved notice to a job i loved moved kids out of private school all in the fear he would come after us.
Quite the opposite he does not see or communicate with kids and they just accept it. Your peace of mind and the right to a quality of life is paramount.. without you happy kids suffer, believe me , mine are different kids since moved, love new school and made lots of friends.
Only difference i moved away from family as this was my easiest housing option and my mum and sis visit reg as i do them...I needed to be away from him and miles at that.
Dont get me wrong i have really bad days and think this summer was worst in my life as i have no money yet no job ( and i had a good proffession had worked hard all my life). He holds all money me just the debt, which i have a little faith it will come good in end.
But if your going to go go you are lucky to be going to family and have support on your doorstep.
I can only say i did the right thing at the time... this relationship def goin tits up, but look what i achieved on my own with two kids... looking back i should be patting myself in the back not constantly beating myself up.
I promise i will email with details etc and if you any where near by ill give you no
take care today have a good one
love looby x

  • Sera
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09 Nov 07 #6255 by Sera
Reply from Sera
I'm in a similar situation that I wish to remain in the MH until all finances sorted. Partly because everything else seems to be like 'running away', and if you still have the ownership of the property, surely by abandoning it now, it will still need maintaining and upkeep, (and bills paid etc) which will be harder to do from 2 hrs away.

Not to mention the hassle of viewings later, when you need to be on-hand to deal with that.

It's a kind offer of your sister, re renting from her. But I'd suggest staying put where you are. Get help from GP for depression, and the support you and your daughter need.

In my first divorce, I was asked to stay within the neighbourhood our son was born and raised in to. Less disruption to his schooling, cubs, local groups, established friendships, and to be parented by both parents.
So your solictors advise is right, that your ex could ask that your daughters needs overshadow yours to escape.
I'd suggest facing the music, then after settlement, buying your sisters house, and starting a fabulous new life on a clean slate.

Also, if you're then renting, and awaiting cash released from equity in the MH, how cooperative would your ex be at selling, if indeed he could cite 'abandonement', and the fact that your housing needs are met elsewhere, gives him a stronger case of not moving! Plus, renting will just dwindle away at any monies you have, and not be appropriate as a long term solution.

  • Sera
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09 Nov 07 #6269 by Sera
Reply from Sera
moonstar04 wrote:

But hopefully in the knowledge that I may end up with more money later??? Is it really all about money where do the emotions come in all this?

Just found our Forum link here:

Which discusses buying a new home, (and pitfalls!) before sorting financial resolution.

And your emotions? I'm afraid the professional bodies don't cater for them! (Sols may listen to your gripes, but much cheaper take the emotional stuff to GP, and much cheaper!)

You'll just have to get through the anxt, (I know, it's hard!) And toughen up, and deal solely with money matters.

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