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My x2b says she didn't have an affair

  • robroy
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12 Nov 07 #6485 by robroy
Topic started by robroy
My x2b says she did not leave me for another man, but that is how it looks to me. when she first dropped the bombshell that she wanted to end the marriage after 15 years and 2 kids, she said she loved someone else and walked out of the family to stay with him. Now she is trying to blame everything on me. I accept my part in the marriage drifting apart but she does not seem to accept that she's had/having an affair. Is denial like this normal?

  • soulmanuk
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12 Nov 07 #6486 by soulmanuk
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it happens all the time, its to ease there guilt. mine left me and kids said it was all her fault nobody else involved. two weeks later moved in with him and goes around telling everybody i had an affair and that broke the marriage up. they dont what to admit they caused the break up. you will get blamed for a lot more before its over. at the end of the day you both know who the liar is. i can live with the truth, she can live with the lies it as cost her a lot and is going to cost her alot more.

  • Camberwick green
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12 Nov 07 #6487 by Camberwick green
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Yes she is having an affair,as long as she is married to you and is sleeping with someone else this is still classed as an affair although if is after the separation it is looked on in a lesser light, this is what i have been told by my sol anyway.
Denial is bound to happen, it is self-preservation

  • loobyloo
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12 Nov 07 #6495 by loobyloo
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Unfortunately in divorce and financial matters who did what rarely bares any significance.
My x2b was raping me in my sleep as I see it he did not contest it on divorce petition . .. but has had no relevance to the courts re finances thus far.
So really an affair or not the guilt will lie within the person.. if they have any morals
sorry for you though
looby

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12 Nov 07 #6511 by sexysadie
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Or maybe your marriage had gone wrong and she needed to love someone else in order to leave. That may or may not count as an affair but whichever it is it doesn't mean that her relationship broke up your marriage. I don't know what happened in your marriage or what it felt like from your ex's point of view. Maybe she was terribly unhappy but didn't have the courage to leave. Maybe she didn't let herself get fully involved with the other man until she had left you. Maybe what she is trying to say to you is that your marriage was over anyway and the other man had nothing to do with that. That's not so uncommon, I think.

Sadie

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13 Nov 07 #6555 by Camberwick green
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I agree with Sadie, this is what happened to me I'm afraid we did not get involved until papers were signed for a formal sparation, but my x insists the affair happened but it was his unreasonable behaviour that pushed me away

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13 Nov 07 #6557 by TONYS11
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i agree too - my wife left me for another man after a brief affair but the underlying reason was that our marriage was in trouble

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