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  • donnab
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14 Nov 07 #6612 by donnab
Topic started by donnab
After 10 months of my ex to be giving me hell about our children, hurting them, brainwashing them, harassing them, talking to them like they are idiots with the help of his new gf. I finaly got it together and put a stop to it all by getting an injunction to stop the girlfriend from seeing my children. After once again months of vial emails to both me and my 14 yr old daughter, and her comming to my home knowing full well i wasnt there, attempting to get them to leave the house, screaming at them. and then telling them she loved them! the woman is off her rocker.My ex had been attempting to get full residencey of my 3 children, hahaha.

Last week he told my 2nd daughter that he didnt want to see her! and told his son he was not going to be seeing him because his 6 weeks were up!, so they were not sent yesterday to see him. Plus i had had enough of the abuse he gave me each time he saw the children.

My son emailed him yesterday after seeing a email that he had sent me just saying, i will not be taking you to court! My son got a lovely reply leave me alone do not contact me. Can some one please tell me how can a man of 35 break the heart of a 10yr old boy? what do men think when they replace the family that they had with some one elses family this being 3 boys. (Some thing my ex always wanted)

Do i attempt to ask him if he wants to see his son?? do i leave it? i have no idea what to do about this. My daughters have both suffered so much because of this man, so much that they are both being refered to the school nurse in hope that they can get some help. I dont want the same happening to my son. It horrible when your kids suffer because of the selfishness that another person inflicts, especially when its not even there fault!

any advice is welcome

thanks
d
d :blink:

  • Vail
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14 Nov 07 #6627 by Vail
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Donnab,
As a man the only thing I can think of is that your ex is confused as to what he should be doing. He has a new family and presumably imagines himself as the father. He also has children by you and perhaps is suffering an inner conflict with the principle of being a resident dad to step-children and an absent father to his own kids.

This conflict expresses itself as alternate swings between desperately wanting his own children when he feels inadequate towards them and not wanting them when he feels inadequate towards the step-children.

How he deals with this problem of his I do not know. I personally believe that all children need a father and a mother in their lives, whether their biological one or not (on a lighter note, please do not take this comment as advice to rush out and get a surrogate dad, besides which I'm busy this evening!).

Children also need stability in their lives. If contact with their father is a destabilising influence then they should have none or little contact with him. Contact is for the benefit of the children and not the parents.

A 35 year-old man can break the heart of his 10 year old son because of mental instability brought on by stress and inner conflict. This is the kindest explanation. The other explanation is that he is an utter s**t.

Do not ask your ex if he wants to see your son. Ask your son if he wants to see his dad.

I hope the above thoughts are of help.

Kind wishes,

Vail

  • sexysadie
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14 Nov 07 #6628 by sexysadie
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This is just horrible, Donna. I don't know why people think it is OK to behave like that to their kids.

You should see your doctor and see if you can get referred to the local Family Support Service. It can take ages to get assessed but I think that once you are then you can get some help for the children. It is awful being rejected by a parent and you will really need support in helping them cope.

Best wishes,
Sadie

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14 Nov 07 #6629 by sexysadie
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Vail is right: ask your son if he wants to see his dad. Though I don't know what you do if he says he does and then his dad refuses.

Sadie

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14 Nov 07 #6633 by gone1
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Hard one this Donna. What to do. Kids are used as porns in divorce and thats a fact. Bad but true. I never got the chance of seeing my step kids they were wrenched away. But such is life.

I think from what U say that they are old enough to make there own minds up. Why dont you have a chat with them? I know its hard talking to teens but it may be worth a try. Just explain whats going on. You will always be mum and that you will always be there for them.

What ever you do dont run the ex down. Leave that for later when it all comes out and he has ditched them.

Dont forget you are a good mum and they are YOUR kids. He dont want them any more but YOU do. All the best Chris.

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14 Nov 07 #6657 by donnab
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Thanks for all of the replys, the kids are on the list to be seen via the doc for councilling, there all seeing a mentor at school unfortunatly the girls have had to be reffered through the school nurse.

I allowed my son to email his dad as he does want to see him, i got a vial reply saying dont contact me!

poor kid wants his dad and his dad doesnt give a monekeys about him.

I do how ever know that his gf has a lot of influence over my ex, which is really sad,seeing as she caused most of the trouble. Upuntill march of this year we got on fantastic then she butted in.

I really feel for my kids in all this, there all suffering, and there is only so much i can do to help

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14 Nov 07 #6660 by Vail
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Donnab,
How about if you tell your ex how your son feels?

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