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Children leaving home

  • Dawn2509
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10 Jun 07 #703 by Dawn2509
Topic started by Dawn2509
I bottled up my feelings about getting divorced, on the whole, and got on with bringing up my children. The plan had always been that I would stay at home to look after them, getting part-time work once they started school.

My ex left just as they started school, having been out of work for a year or so after being fired, and I was lucky enough to be able to continue to stay at home and look after them. Once my youngest was 12, and there wouldn't have been any childcare help, I did my PGCE and started work as a primary school teacher.

Just over a year after starting teaching, I started seeing someone, the first one since getting divorced 10 years earlier. It was only supposed to be casual and fun, but I fell in love. He didn't, but I didn't realize/accept that.

Teaching was becoming more and more stressful, and basically drove me to a breakdown in April 2004. I was signed off with depression, and have been ever since.

But the point of my post (sorry, felt I needed to give a bit of background) is that my son, 20 next month, officially left home on Friday. Admittedly, he reappeared yesterday because he needed to use my scanner, but has gone again today. Moving in with his girlfriend, got a new job. He's not far away, 45 minutes drive. He'll be back next week-end to collect furniture.

But I'm finding it very hard to cope with. My daughter, sweetie that she is, persuaded her boyfriend to come here Friday night, instead of going to him, so that I wasn't alone. That helped. But now they're both away. She'll be going to university in the autumn, so she'll be gone. And there's nothing left.

Any advice? I'm still suffering from severe depression, I've been seeing a counsellor for the last 18 months and she's great, but it's not enough. I'm doing a computer course, flexible hours, can't cope with too much rigidity. Still involved on the margins of my drama group - can't be relied on.

Dawn

  • Jerseylass
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10 Jun 07 #706 by Jerseylass
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Hi Dawn,
I really feel for you and understand. My daughter who is 20 suffers from panic attacks and has done for nearly 2 yrs. I found a site tonight that may help its www.anxiety-panic-attacks-phobias.co.uk
Its a forum similar to this and i have joined to seek help and understanding for both of us. I've yet to experience any of my girls leaving (i have 5) one is my own the other 4 are my step kids. 2 are 20, 1 18, 1 16, 1 14. I don't my daughter (20) will ever leave home lol prob have to drag her kicking and screaming lol. The only thing i can suggest is maybe keep as active as you can, body and soul. Maybe take up a new hobby or join a group. I have just started an ECDL course online to keep me occupied and i do Tapestry as well and read at lot (my hubby's hardly ever home, mostly in the pub or at Scouts) and even with all my girls, it sometimes feels like the house is empty. Chin up hun xx

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10 Jun 07 #707 by Jerseylass
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Dont know if this would help or not, but i have started a 'diary' on the blog page. It helps me put what i'm actually feeling into words i can read and its quite fun actually.

  • Dawn2509
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11 Jun 07 #724 by Dawn2509
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Thanks for replying, Jerseylass. And for the suggestions. I'm already doing an IT course (ECDL Level 3), partly to try to make myself get out and have something to do. I act in a murder mystery group, and belong to an amateur dramatic society. It's balancing it that's difficult - doing too much wears me out and puts on too much pressure. All I've done today is the two hours of the IT course, and am so relieved that tomorrow all I have is a weight management appointment.

I have started a blog, so I'll see how that goes.

Thanks again. Just realized I forgot to buy yet another box of tissues today. The amount of crying I do, I should have cried off all this weight and be completely dehydrated.

Dawn

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11 Jun 07 #725 by Jerseylass
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Hopefully this will give you some encouragement. I joined Scottish Slimmers in January and so far have lost just over 2 stone. I still would like to lose another stone and a half, but its definately been worth it. I feel and look so much better and have confidence again. Have bought a few new clothes and last Sunday bought loads of new knickers from M&S Midi size and threw away all my 'Bridget Jones's' lol. I'm the worlds worse for slimming so be encouraged and give it a good boost. Even if i only lose 1/2 or 1 pound i still feel like its worth it. Good luck.

  • Shelia
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11 Jun 07 #730 by Shelia
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Hi

My children have left home and are little older than yours. It is hard at first when you have given so many years of your life bringing them up, but now we are all adults together and they give me the sort of encouragemant and support that I used to give them.

Getting divorced too, and my kids not living in the area made me feel very lonely, but I've begun to feel that I'm getting myself back. I think you have to try and reinvent yourself. I know its easier said than done. Maybe we should buy some new knickers like Jerseylass? Can't do any harm.

Perhaps you need to consider doing something you've never done before? On your own also means freedom, you are an intellgent single woman, who is just inbetween life chances.

As for crying that never hurt anyone I do plenty, but between the tears I try and have a good time.

I've rambled on, it's probably of no help, but my heart is in the right place and I wish you well.

Shelia

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12 Jun 07 #732 by Dawn2509
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Well done on losing the weight, Jerseylass. But I have to take it slowly at my own pace, any pressure and I give up. My GP has actually discouraged me from dieting - she says that if I fail, I'll just add it to the list of other failures. And this is despite being obese. I've successfully lost weight with Slimming World in the past, but can't afford the money or the pressure. I'm also scared of losing weight in case I become attractive again, and get hurt again. I suddenly realized a month or so ago, however, that I could, in theory, lose some weight and get down from obese to merely overweight, thus avoiding some of the discomfort I currently experience. And be able to get into all the clothes I have that are currently too small. Our health centre runs weight management clinics, one to one, so none of the group pressure. I'm just eating sensibly, have lost 3.5 kg so far.

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