Ammicable Break

Thanks Tinny.

I suppose I've had it pretty easy compared to some with her setting off to travel around Oz as soon as we broke up. There seems to be a lot of unanswered questions and I just clammed up when she left me in August. She's due back next month though for her mum's ruby wedding anniversary and wants to meet up (contact through hotmail only for past 10 months) to get things off her chest and left me do the same. Hope to god I dont clam up again and I'm already writing things down what I want to say and want answering. Is that sad?

Lee, correct me if I'm way off the mark here, but do you want to divorce? Does she?

I really understand the "getting things off your chest". I need to shout and yell at my Ex, I want to tell him just how he made me feel BUT I cant, I dont want to inflame an already flamable situation! He has told me exactly what he thinks of me. I have listened silently for the past year as he has condemed, blamed and accused me. I have plenty to say but whats the point, he never listened to me before anyway. Someday I think I need to say whats in my mind, I think for my own peace of mind thats needed, but I dont know when it will be safe to do that.

I feel you need some kind of closure. think it out carefully though, dont make things worse than they are already.

Tinny, I do want to divorce her and I'm pretty sure she wants the same although we'll know that when she returns next month (not looking forward to seeing her). We split up ...no sorry...she left me because we were not spending enough time together. i was working away a lot in what I thought was a career move that was the best for our future. The next thing..I come home to find out she's packed no less than a week before we were due to go on holiday together for a well earned rest. Now and please as a women correct me from your point of view(s), If I was in the same situation, I would have mentioned something such as 'I want you to look for a job closer to home' or 'this is not working' and I'd have at last given the holiday a go to see if things would improve while away but No she had it fixed in her head she was going that night. It got me suspicious and I'm still the same as to whether there was anyone else although she denied this when I confronted her shortly after breaking up. All I get now is that she's sorry. For what?? Hurting me, cheating on me or just leaving me. To be honest, I don't think I'll ever get the truth.

It took me a while to let 'someone get close' to me as I've always been careful as to who I let in to know the real me. The question is, after such a big blow, will I ever be in a position to allow another women to get close to me. Right now, there's a 50 ft wall around me that no women will get through.

There...glad I got that off my chest!!

Lee
Difficult to comment really. Yes the logical thing to do would have been to talk to you. There are perhaps many reasons why she didnt, who knows. Maybe she didnt know how to or what to say anyway and perhaps she didnt want to hurt you by saying the wrong thing. She propbably is genuinely sorry after all you did have some happy times.

I hope for both your sakes you can talk it through and move on one way or another.

Perhaps you should post a bit more to get more off your chest before you meet her....just in case you explode and resolve nothing!

Take care

Hi Tinny,

Thanks for the advice. This website and people like your goodself are probably what I needed the back end of last year.

Don't think I'll explode and resolve nothing - More like tell her I've nothing to say to her which, is probably just as bad. I think (and write down) what I want to say and ask and in a way anwser the questions in my own head thinking, what's the point.. she'll only tell me what she thinks I want to hear and will never admit anything even if it did happen due to the possibiity of hurting me further.

I will post more and get things off of my chest prior to seeing her. It will help. I found out recently she's only back home for 2 weeks then going back to Oz so I've one chance it seems to clear the matter up once and for all.

Thanks again...

Lee

Hi Lee555

You say you are a bit nervous about paying your partner and having her name taken off the mortgage.......

One thing you need really is to prove that you did it all above board.....when you gave her any money...do you have some sort of proof of the transaction? I.E did you pay her by cheque or transfer it into her bank account? when her name was taken off the mortgage, she must of signed...You need the proof of these items if at all possible, just to cover yourself if things progress down that road.

Kind regards
Louise

Hi louise,


Yes it was all above board i.e. I had her taken off of the mortgage deeds and paid her by cheque.

The reason I'm nervous after reading this website more is that the house has gone up in value considerably since splitting up. Would she have any rights (with regards to future equity) with it being the marital home even though her name is not on the mortgage? Don't think she'd attempt this but it only takes her to get a new partner who's clued up and see's it as an opportunity/brain washes her!

Lee