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  • soulmanuk
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22 Nov 07 #7393 by soulmanuk
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my stbx, never did any cooking or housework. she was a useless mother thats why the kids live with me and never see her. the thing that broke up the marriage was my job loss, that meant money was going to be in short supply and it meant a drop in her lifestyle. along came a man who was unhappy in his life who had money and she took the opportunity. unfortunately an age difference of 22 years is alot. people of his age (62) come from a generation where the wife looks after the home and he works. as she had an easy life with me being a new modern man and now as to do all the fetch me carry stuff, she now looks old and hagged with no time for herself. she is doing her best to ruin my new relationship and i have heard she is sorry and wants to come back after 13 months. i told her there is no chance. she as not paid a penny of the debt hoping i would have the house repossessed. i have struggled and she is now trying to take me to the cleaners. so all this empty nest/menopause is BS, its the grass is greener syndrome. problem is the grass always look greener just like the meal on the next table looks better than yours.

  • adenuff
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22 Nov 07 #7399 by adenuff
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sorry lilyrose that line about cooking dinner wasn,t meant to sound like that.i meant i,m surprised she,s still doing anything for me.i do do the washing,hoovering,washing up etc.
i find it strange that after the sol threats that divorce papers haven,t hit the mat yet,not sure whats going on.
don,t know what to do,wait to see what happens,move out,stay put or what.liked the comment about can of petrol. thanks for all your comments though,it is a bit of comfort in an unfriendly world.

  • Camberwick green
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22 Nov 07 #7400 by Camberwick green
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soulmanuk wrote:

so all this empty nest/menopause is BS, its the grass is greener syndrome. problem is the grass always look greener just like the meal on the next table looks better than yours.


I certainly don't mean to give women an excuse for bad behaviour there but it could have a bearing on why they start feeling depressed later on in life, they probably don't even realise themselves-threw myself into work which did help but it won't help if you are not appreciated at home.

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22 Nov 07 #7405 by adenuff
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but i do appreciate her at home,that,s part of the trouble.i still love her thats why i,m finding it hard to break away.i don,t want her to end up destitute,i wouldn,t let that happen anyway cause i should think my boys would want to go with her anyway.not that i don,t get on with them,but they have always been closer to mum.

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22 Nov 07 #7407 by Camberwick green
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I didn’t mean to come across like I was accusing you of not appreciating her, that was my comment back to Soulman.

As for your kids being closer to Mum, that’s usually the case as they tend to be the main carer but doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t chose to be with you.

Sometimes there is no solid reason for a marriage breakdown, unfortunately one or both parties are extremely frustrated with the what’s, why’s, and wherefores behind it all, but in many cases there is never just one reason.

I would say its probably best policy not to beat yourself up night after night not knowing why or how (easier said than done-I know) just try and be at peace with yourself and it’ll hopefully make the process a lot easier to handle, just don’t forget that you need some down time and pampering.

  • ToxieDogg
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23 Nov 07 #7451 by ToxieDogg
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And I didn't mean to imply that you should suspect your wife of having an affair, everyone's situation is a little different. By the time I went down the route of checking emails, I had a gut feeling and the rest of the evidence was already staring me in the face. If your gut feeling says nothing is going on, then it probably isn't.

I agree with what lilyrose in the respect that to think along the lines of her doing this because she's going through the menopause is perhaps not correct. There's every possibility that she's just decided to find her own way in life.

However, I'm still very uneasy with this whole wanting to 'take you to the cleaners' thing, the threats, and trying to bully you into giving her the lion's share of everything. Asides from seeming very unfair, that to me suggests that she's been thinking/planning this for a while.

Anyway, keep in touch. However useful/not useful you find our advice, we're all here to help and support you in some way so you're not going through this alone.

  • soulmanuk
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23 Nov 07 #7481 by soulmanuk
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i put her on a pedastal, pampering her every needs, but when it came to giving some of it back i was shunned. she had been planning it for a year as did he. 'losing' money which i still have not found, he took his and his wifes saving to buy a house for them. she tried to sell our house and move into a rented property so she could 'pinch' our savings but the kids didn't want to move so that stop that plan. she told me she earned £45 a week less than she did. still not found out where that went. that's the problem with trust. i now know the last 12 months together was a lie and a way of fleecing me and the kids out of money to make sure she still had a lifestyle that she was used to. so to me menopause/empty nest is BS, greed and selfiness is a better way of describing it. i know everybody is not the same but thats the way it happened to me. latest lies - i had an affair and that broke the marriage up, she is willing to sign the house over to me now that the debt is even bigger and its going to get repossessed, back to not wanting to give any money to the family unit that was the cause of the break up

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