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How to get spouse to councilling

  • ark13112003
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02 Dec 07 #8260 by ark13112003
Topic started by ark13112003
I'm looking for advice. My spouse wants to proceed at top speed to get a formal seperation agreement put in place and move away, basically guaranting that there will be no way back.

I want her to go with me to councilling to at least see if there's some way back. She will not consider the prospect as she it will bring back the pain! She wants to live her future life without any risk for the future.

What can I do to persuade her? Any advice, suggestions welcome.

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02 Dec 07 #8270 by sexysadie
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I think that, to be brutally honest, you can't. She is clearly further down the line in the emotional side of divorce and, as she says, doesn't want to reopen wounds that she has managed to start to heal. Probably even if you did go to counselling at this stage it wouldn't help, except possibly in terms of you accepting the separation. Of course you could go on your own, to achieve this latter, but if she is determined on leaving there is nothing much you can really do.

Sadie

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03 Dec 07 #8287 by gone1
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Hiya ark. I agree with SS there is nothing you can do to get her to go with you. I went on my own and bits of it were OK but generally I thought it a waste of money. See how you go. It may come in handy afterwards when you are trying to rebuild your life. I suspect she wants to move on at top speed. Some people are like that. Dont want to learn the mistakes. But they come a cropa later. Chris

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03 Dec 07 #8297 by JulesW
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Hi

Sorry to hear that you can't both invest the time in it. I am in very much the same position as you.

You both need to go to counselling willingly and with an open mind and attitude. 'It may not save this marriage but it will help the next' is a quote I got from one counselling website. The urge to leave one marriage quickly can leave a lot of matters unresolved and unhelpful behaviours unaddressed.

The only thing you can do is be open with it about what your aims are. If you say that you are willing to go to counselling with a realistic aim of being friends but with outside chance of patching things up then your partner may be more willing to attend.

It is evident from this and other sites that the divorce process is not easy and if your partner thinks that counselling is not easy then divorce is certainly harder (and more expensive). So, a selling point to her is that it may make the end process quicker and cheaper.

I am still unclear if counselling will happen for us. Mt wife says that she sees it as being more acceptable now but so far she has not looked into the counsellors as she agreed to. With me there comes a point when I will have to decide on whether counselling will happen or if we separate/divorce because of her inability to address the counselling issue.

Good Luck and I hope you get a solution acceptable to you both.

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