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present buying protocol - advice?

  • sparkle
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06 Dec 07 #8572 by sparkle
Topic started by sparkle
Hi. my partner and I are a bit muddled about present buying protocol with his ex and their respective families and would be interested to hear what other people do.

My partner has been divorced for two years and has a young son. This is our first xmas together, (we are getting married next year). He is very involved in his son's life, as am I, and he sees me as his 'second mummy'

We've each bought a present from his son for the other, with his son helping to choose and wrap it. We've also got presents for my partner's and my families from the three of us.

But his ex-wife has also bought presents for my partners family (parents, siblings etc.) from herself and his son - which has made us feel a bit bad as we weren't intending getting presents for her family! When it was my partner's birthday earlier in the year he suggested to his ex that I should get his present from his son, as that seemed more appropriate (and I would know what he likes!), but she got very upset by that and insisted on getting his birthday present from their son and said that she wanted my partner to continue getting her presents from their son for her birthday, which he did and has done for xmas too. She has likewise bought us a joint xmas present from their son. She also doesn't think it right that my partner's family send presents for his son directly to him and would rather they went to her.

To be honest, this seems a bit weird to me, and it would be much simpler if my partner and his ex-wife bought presents from the child for their respective families and not each others. And now that they each have new partners, the respective partner deals with birthday and xmas presents for them from the child.

But I don't know? It's not as though my partner wants to cut ties with his ex, with whom he has a reasonable relationship, it just seems a bit weird that she buys me a present for xmas and for his parents etc. from his son when my partner could more easily and appropriately do it and is doing so anyway!

What do other people think? What do they do?

  • Specialdad
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06 Dec 07 #8574 by Specialdad
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Blimey what a mess!!

Couldnt you give credit notes to each other instead!!

Hope you can sort it out fairly. B)

  • Pickle
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06 Dec 07 #8575 by Pickle
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This is probably no help, but for what it's worth ...

I give my son the money to buy his father's gifts, his father gives him the money to buy mine.

For all maternal family members I buy the gifts. For all paternal family members his father buys the gifts.

But, as I've said on previous posts and in the chat room - I am in the fortunate position of having an amicable arrangement with my son's father.

  • Gilly
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06 Dec 07 #8584 by Gilly
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What a sensible solution to a potential nightmare situation, especially if things are not as amicable - which could pave the way for a wave of resentment and hurt..or just an excuse to re-ignite the battle!!

Its all a bit one sided in my situation - no family at all left on my side but stbx has 2 brothers,her mum and 5 nephews/nieces. As they are basically my adopted family have bought for the Mother in law and the kids but not the sisters/brothers in law. I'll give my lad some money to buy s2bx something...but drop him off outside GAME with it...!!

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