First steps on a rocky road..

I’m new here. I am the petitioner and am torn between the overriding sense of certainty that life will be happier (not necessarily easier) on my own, the guilty feeling of tearing up a family home and the Christian belief that a marriage should never be broken. X2b doesn’t ‘agree’ with this divorce. But It’s not like I haven’t tried to make it work or put up with things for long enough. I am looking for residency of the kids (both under 6). The challenges are finances. There are none but loads of debts and overheads. Some may say I am being driven by my emotions rather than being realistic. Anyway, I’m in for a rocky time so I thought I might come on here so as not to feel too alone when the going gets tough.

How is it fair? You decide you've had enough after years of mostly unhappiness but you are the one to be the villain of the piece, selfish, hard-nosed because this time you really won't back down. Can anyone give me tips how to get through this emotionally?

Meridian,

I am a man with a man's brain. I think it has been established beyond reasonable doubt that men and women have brains that are 'wired' differently. We both have emotions but generally deal with them in different ways.

I can't begin to advise you on how best to cope, save to ask you whether it is better for your children to be brought up in a loveless marriage, thinking it the norm because they won't know any better, or to be shuffled back and forth between two parents.

It's not an easy thought and a tough decision to take. Perhaps one or two of the ladies here are in a similar position?

Hi Meridian I am probably the last one to ask as I was crap at my breakup. But I was on the receiving end (chucked away) so I can sympathize with your ex.

At the end of the day its your life and you must make the choices that are right for you. No one can tell you how to live your life and you shouldn't berate yourself to much for ending this relationship. But I must make you aware that you stand to lose everything in this action and you must be prepared for this. The choice is yours however and choices as we know are half chance. This may in the fullness of time be a bad choice.

I cant tell you how you get thru this. You have to search deep for the strength within yourself. We are all far stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Tough decisions are hard. And it may not turn out right for you. Time will tell.

What I do know is that time is a great healer and if you are willing to pay the piper then later on the rewards are there. Just do the right thing by your wife and family. Dont turn your back completely on them if you can.

Lastly one sentance that I always think of is this. "To thy self be true".

Best ones. Chris.

Vail wrote:

Meridian,

I am a man with a man's brain. I think it has been established beyond reasonable doubt that men and women have brains that are 'wired' differently. We both have emotions but generally deal with them in different ways.

I can't begin to advise you on how best to cope, save to ask you whether it is better for your children to be brought up in a loveless marriage, thinking it the norm because they won't know any better, or to be shuffled back and forth between two parents.

It's not an easy thought and a tough decision to take. Perhaps one or two of the ladies here are in a similar position?

Vail. Yes men and women are different but both are people. I think people are wired differently. Not just men and women.

Personally I think us men could learn tons from women. They are defo the stronger of the species and are better equipped to deal with lifes ups and downs. They listen. They have a better understanding of people and they make excellent poker players. I am in awe. It takes a lot to awe me Laters Mate. C

Thank you both for your replies. ChrisM, I am the wife and family in this case, also the breadwinner.

Chris,

I'm talking generally. You take a group of 1,000 women and a 1,000 men and as groups the men and women will show differences. People's thought processes are influenced by their environment and by that I don't mean just the weather, but by cultural and social factors - within that men and women generally react differently to mental stimulii.

As you say, women are generally more resilient than men. They are also better at multi-tasking. Men on the other hand are generally better at focused efforts.

It is rare for a woman to leave her children, but it does happen - it is not so rare for a man to turn his back on his children.

Meridian, I take it you are still in the marital home? If so, don't leave. Whether you're a villain or a saint depends on perspective. Just do what you think is best for your children, for their long term stability - and that involves retaining your own sanity.