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Subsequent events over shadow the cause ...

  • scrumpybird
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10 Dec 07 #8757 by scrumpybird
Topic started by scrumpybird
OK the fact of the matter is that I have been unhappy for over a year, I should have taken the divorce route when I first realised how I felt, but I didnt. After 18 months I thouhht I should express my upset and put what I could into the marraige. I had been on medication for dression, anxiety and insomnia from the time I met my husband through till about 5 months after we got married. After coming off all medication it became clear to me we were chalk and cheese although I had a great affection for him.

Sex didnt happen very much. With the medication I had low self esteem, was embarresed by my weight and was generally insecure. He was very into his hobbies, and very often stayed up much later than me following these pursiuts and this made me feel worse. When I discovered his porn stash of women polar opposits to me I clamed up completly. Any how time travels on and we do get married, we cobble along a relationiship we do trust each other but I think looking back we were always scepticle of eachother but were insecure in ourselves so stuck with it out of comfort.

He has always had issues with my historical friends, not that there are many of them, I believe friends are important. There was one whom I had very strong feelings for but through a strange series of events never went anywhere, and a mutural decision was made long before I met my husband between me and my friend that we would never be more than friends.

After 10-12 months of trying to make the marraige work, trying to find feelings that were not there I decided to tell my husband I wasnt happy and wanted it to end. I was willing to try to make it work but through the past year when I had been expressing needs, desires and openess to suggestions I was blanked, I had a huge sea between him and me and I had lost the will to find a boat.

I had also been to counselling on my own, witout his knowledge to work through some other issues I was trying to deal with. It was hear I suppose I unleashed pandora's box and put my true feelings into persective. The person who I should have been with was left by the wayside 8+ years ago.

Out of the blue after I told my husband that I wasnt in love with him and couldnt take out living arrangements any more I recieved contact from my past, I unwisely went to visit and nothing happened except hours and hours of talking, it was as if 8 years just melted away.

I knew that things couldnt happen yet and neither did they, despite seeing him again. We just held each other and talked. I knew where it was heading, I started divorce proceedings but stupidly denyed everything. He got suspicious and put 2 & 2 together at the time that something did happen, now it looks like something was going on for far longer than it was and the real reason for the split has been forgotten.

The truth of the matter we should not have got married, we were not suited, too insecure and too dependant on needs that we couldnt fulfill for eachother. I was unaware of so much while I was medicated and things that I see in the clear light of day were swept up in a mist.

I hate lying to him, I hate hurting him. Despite not being in love with him, I have a lot of respect for him (although anyone reading this would probably disagree) and I care emensley for him. I just know that I am not being true to myself by being with him, I am not being true to him but pretending.

I really have screwed the whole thing up ...

  • ToxieDogg
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10 Dec 07 #8767 by ToxieDogg
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:huh:

:blink:

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