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Hi I'm new and I need advice

  • annettecollins
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23 Jun 07 #929 by annettecollins
Topic started by annettecollins
It is not looking good for me and my husband and I need to find out how we can make it work for us both.

We currnetly have a mortgage of £780 my husband is paid £900 per month I have always earnt £450 until thursday when I am made redundant without any money.

We have 2 kids 10 and 8. At the moment the house is on a mortgage break. We have a joint account that I cannot access and he has agreed to pay £40 per week toward supporting our kids. He is currently paying the bills but I do not know how long for?

However he is pressurising me not to work because he is accusing me of being a bad mother if I put the kids into child care. He says he will have me and go for full support if I go out and see my frienda and put them with a babysitter. He says when I ask him to see them that he is not going to be cheap child care. He sees the kids tuesday night for 2 hours and thursday night for 2 hours. He just turns up and says he will see them. He totally decides and he will not give me any more concrete times.

He also does not want me to go to claim income support on thursday when I am out of work. I am desperate!!

He is know getting angry, because he is frustrated and it is me who wants out of our relationship. I have always put up with him flying off the handle because it is easier, but he is now starting to scare me.

What can I do I almost want to give in and continue my relationship for the sake of the kids.... I am so so unhappy.

  • mumof2
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23 Jun 07 #930 by mumof2
Reply from mumof2
Hi Anette,
Sorry to hear of your mess, are you and your H seperated?
He is using a bulling tactic and this is not good for you or your children. If you allow it to continue it will only become worse. My x tried this and still is after 3 years even though wwe have been through the courts, mediation and CAFCASS. You have to put the feelings of the kids first and try to get him to understand that his attitude is not hurting you but that it is affecting the children.
It isnt easy and it is a long journey but dont let him dictate to you after all if he isnt living with you, your children have a life and he will have to fit into it.
good luck

  • forevernot!
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24 Jun 07 #946 by forevernot!
Reply from forevernot!
hi hun
sorry to hear about what this stone aged man is trying to do to you.Dont take it go and see citizen advise buro and ask for some free legal advise they can also offer advise about how you can move out and what assistance your entittled to. what he is suggesting is uterly foolish if he gets the kids wont he have to put them into child care as well? Good luck and i hope you find another job and things start to improve. if you ever need to talk i am just an email away.

  • Liago
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25 Jun 07 #962 by Liago
Reply from Liago
To put it bluntly these are classic symptoms of domestic abuse.
Your husband sounds like an insecure man who is desperately trying to control you. He is a bully.

Lots of women have put up with similar relationships for years, after a while, once your confidence has been eroded it seems easier to do what he says than deal with the fall out if you go against him.By putting up with his behaviour you are reinforcing his distorted idea of a relationship. You don't mention any violence and I hope there has'nt been any.

He is know getting angry, because he is frustrated and it is me who wants out of our relationship. I have always put up with him flying off the handle because it is easier, but he is now starting to scare me.

Do forgive me if I have read too much between the lines.

Annette if you truly want to move forward and get out of this destructive relationship (believe me, you will know when the time has come) you will need to seek lots of advice, support and will need to find within you a bucketload of self-esteem and courage.

I suggest you start by obtaining free legal advice from a sol who deals with DV cases, and contact your DV officer through your local Police . She will be able to listen to you and provide you with more information and contact numbers of other people who can offer you support and advice.

Good Luck x

  • Dobber
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26 Jun 07 #984 by Dobber
Reply from Dobber
Get yourself down the CAB or ring about to find any solicitors who will take you on legal aid. If the slimeball is being violent/ inficting mental abuse towards you then you will have the full weight of the law behind you so go to the police & speak to someone in the DV dept. As a man I utterly despise blokes like that, DONT let him control you like that, chin up & start something positive & go & see the relevent people. You will never look back once you start the ball rolling. Good luck hun.


  • Tinny
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26 Jun 07 #1004 by Tinny
Reply from Tinny
Im a bit confused. Are you and your husband separated already? Sorry if you mentioned it already.

I agree with others that he sounds too controlling. You need really good advice on how to proceed so yes, follow the advice given already. My Ex was similar and I wasted time trying to reason with him and am now trying to rebuild my relationship with the kids, dont let this happen to you.

Go into this with your eyes open which will mean getting as much advice and support as you can. If he is as you describe him it will not be easy but you can do it.

Take care.

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