I am coming to the end of my second marrage and I can't believe it.
The first one was bad enough - but this time round we have children. The problem is that I just can't go on living this life. It's not just the fact that I've spent the last five years stuck in the spare room - we no longer do anything together and I cant remember the last time I felt anything like love from her. She reads my emails and checks my mobile despite the fact that I never get to go out. (Once a month I'm allowed to take our son to the rugby). This afternoon when I suggested that we all went to the local IKEA my head was chopped off. Apparently I'm just the grumpiest person in the world.
dear jimmcy,first of all change your passwords so your e mails are private, and lock your mobile phone.you're entitled to some privacy.sorry to hear your predicament. be strong for yourself, don't let yourself be emotionally tormented you're worth more than that.Go out, don't become a prisoner in the home it only increases the bad feelings, lessens your self esteem and gives the other half more power.after 5 years sleeping seperately can't see Relate would help but if you want to stay married then you'll have to fight to reclaim your part in it and all avenues should be considered.It's so easy to let things just fester and worsen but time passes by very quickly.Was in similar situation that progressed to over 30 years, now divorced almost and now found out kids were aware all along of my deep unhappiness and how I was treated.It wasnt as well hidden as I thought.Now also heard horror stories of how kids were treated when I was at work and I put up with that life because I thought I was saving them from the trauma of divorced parents.too late now to turn the clocks back.
So I would advise, think about your situation.do what's best for you and your children.I think I would have preferred to have been poor but happy than comfortable and worried about the response to anything I said or did in the marriage.Seems to me you're only there because of the children, I commend you for that but you too have a life to live and we are all entitled to be happy within our lifetime.I was frightened of everything for so long, not knowing how to cope but cope you do because there's something better waiting at the other end of all the strife and that's a life worth living! best wishes my thoughts are with you!
If you get your head chopped off whatever you do why not do what you like? What have you got to loose? I agree with Topaz, one way or another you are going to have to fight either to save your marriage and if that does not work to end it. The marriage belongs as much to you as it does to her. It is governed how both of you decide it should be not her. She does not own it or have any right setting rules over how it should be for you both. You deserve a better life than the one you have.
Be peristent and be brave, the only way is up, although you may have to wade through some swamp water to get to a better place.
I wish you the best of luck.
There are many of us on this site who are busy wading through swamp water and so you would be in excellent company.