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how to get my husband to believe i want a divorce.

  • donnakebab
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30 Dec 07 #9724 by donnakebab
Topic started by donnakebab
I have been married for 17 years, I am 36 years old but am seriously feeling 56!!! My husband is Turkish and he wants to move back to Turkey, I seriously do not want to do this. I had an affair a couple of years ago and if it was not for our two boys I know for a fact that he would have killed me. I want a divorce and have discussed this with him, but he does not take me seriously. I got married at 19, he has looked after me financially for all these years and I have not worked since I got married. I am starting to think that there has got to be more to life than this and want out.
I just need some people to chat to and help me get my head around this. I am scared of what he could do to me, he has always said that if he can't have me then no one will.
Any ideas please get in touch.

  • topaz
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30 Dec 07 #9725 by topaz
Reply from topaz
don't do or say anything that would put yourself or your children at risk, your safety is the most important thing first and foremost.That doesn't mean do nothing, it means be careful how you go about it.There is help out there for situations such as yours.Women's Aid National 24 hr service
domestic violence helpline...08457 023468, it can put you in touch with agencies and refuges in your area.they also offer advice and support and counselling.confidential.
Refuge also offer 24 hr national crisis line on 08705 995 443.hope you find this of some help.I think you need advice on how to sort this situation out in a way which does not endanger yourself or your children.please take care.

  • sexysadie
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30 Dec 07 #9728 by sexysadie
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As Topaz says, you need to be very, very careful, and make plans. Have a look on some of the domestic violence websites as they have very good advice about things like leaving clothing and passports with friends in case you ever have to run away.

You may need to plan to run away in any case, if your husband is likely to react violently to you wanting to leave him. You will need to think of how you can take your children, and how to stop him taking them to Turkey with him if they want to stay here with you.

There is a lot to think about. If you have never worked then money may be an issue as you need a deposit and rent in advance for somewhere to live - though if you are in fear of violence you could go straight to a refuge to start with. Try to start some secret savings so you have a little money when you first leave. Think about whether there is anyone you could go to who you trust not to tell your husband and where he wouldn't think of looking.

Good luck!

Sadie

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31 Dec 07 #9734 by Specialdad
Reply from Specialdad
Contact a womens refuge and move out.

Obtain benefits

Petition for a divorce and obtain non molestation order

Inform the police of any threats

Dont be afraid of the coward

  • tigstheterror
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31 Dec 07 #9744 by tigstheterror
Reply from tigstheterror
Agree with all the above posts,,just to add my first husband always said he would kill me if i had any ideas of leaving him after being his punch bag for 5 yrs. I finally plucked up the courage and asked him to leave,,i can only describe it as a light switch was flicked on inside my head, he left and although i had 4 yrs of fighting the man i did eventually gain peace.
Seek help,quietly and get someone you can trust on your side,as above poster said,, he is just a bully and you may be the one person made to stand up to him now. Be careful,be safe and keep the kids passports out of his way,thats the danger too,taking them to Turkey without your consent,worthwhile contacting the passport office once you have any orders in place, best to cover every avenue. Good luck,take good care,
Tigs x

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