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Possible divorce - I'm confused!

  • pipistrelle
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01 Jan 08 #9761 by pipistrelle
Topic started by pipistrelle
Hi folks

I need a little help please as I'm either confused or just very thick!

I'm separated and things are not amicable bewteen H and myself. We've been married fourteen years. No agreement has been reached over the children and finances.

The thing is I've had a 'request' from my H and his solicitors suggesting I should start divorce proceedings now (I have grounds on his adultery) or H will divorce me for unreasonable behaviour ( not that I have been!)

My question is why doesn't he go ahead and just divorce me rather than giving me the option ?

Is there something I'm misssing here?

Any help would be greatfully received. Thank you

  • sexysadie
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01 Jan 08 #9762 by sexysadie
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What he is saying is that he wants to move to divorce proceedings. Only the person who has not been adulterous can divorce on those grounds. He can only use unreasonable behaviour. If you've not been unreasonable, this will mean him making something up, which might upset you. So he's offering you the opportunity to avoid that by divorcing him for adultery.

Sadie

  • gone1
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01 Jan 08 #9763 by gone1
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And of course you will have to bear the cost. I think its £210 for the petition. I could be getting confused with Ancilory Relief. But in any case you will have to pay if you divorce him. The good news is you control the pace and that could be good news. I made up my ex's UB reasons. If you want him to divorce you just make some reasons up like I did. I chose opposites of what I am like.

Happy new year Chris.

  • pipistrelle
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01 Jan 08 #9767 by pipistrelle
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Thanks guys.

I find it strange that he is worrying about petitioning me for UB after everything he has already done - cut off all finances and threatening court action over child access even when he's had more access than most dads have.The finance issue is no longer a major problem. I'm getting a regular amount each month.

Even if he makes up grounds of UB , can't I say it's rubbish and he has no evidence? I don't think I could be any more hurt, so I'm not particularly worried about being upset.

Is he trying to get me to go thru with the divorce because he knows any ground he tries to petition me on wouldn't stand up?

I'm not concerned with paying for a divorce. In fact, if I divorce him he has agreed to pay my costs. His side have already agreed to that and a cheque has appeared. The money side of a divorce is not a problem for me as I have backing from elsewhere if I need financial help.

I don't want a divorce, but I still don't understand why he hasn't petitioned me anyway. I have grounds for divorce on his adultery so I don't need to make up a reason. I don't see why we can't wait until the two years separation is up. It's only be almost a year.

In some strange way I'm quite curious to find out what UB he would site in a petition !! H leaving was totally out of the blue, his behaviour since has been out of character and we hadn't been having maritial problems, as far as I was concerned. But there you go - there's nowt as strange as folk!

Regards.

  • Specialdad
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01 Jan 08 #9777 by Specialdad
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Sounds like he wants the divorce to remarry.

He may be getting pressure from a third party to obtain the Decree Absolute.

If he is a hurry let him divorce you, let him bear the cost and the worry. Just sign the papers and sit back.

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01 Jan 08 #9779 by pipistrelle
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Hi Specialdad

Given the limited info I have given in this thread, I can see why you have given me that answer. Thank you for your response anyway. I like the idea of sitting back and let him do it all and for me just to lift up my hand to sign papers :P

H can't remarry. His OW is married (her second marriage) and she hasn't asked her husband for a divorce yet. What H and OW don't know is that me and her H keep in touch now and again and compare notes!!! We all knew each other slightly before all this. OW is not a youngester, but an alcoholic granny :ohmy:

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01 Jan 08 #9780 by Jacko
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Sounds like he want's to do it on the cheap I asume you are likely to get legal aid? in which case if you petition on any old grounds of UB he isn'y going to contest it. He get's what he wants a divorce and he keeps his leagl bill to a minimum.

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