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Inside the minds of angry & Controlling Men

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10 years 2 months ago #208250 by eyes on horizon
Replied by eyes on horizon on topic Re:Inside the minds of angry & Controlling Men
i am in the same mind pete.

OH says he wants to marry me but i feel as tho the commitment is stronger when you have the desire to be there, not the 'marriage' holding you to it.

Dont get me wrong, I understand why people get married..to show their love, commitment etc; but i don't think its for everyone.

One thing reading self help books has taught me is there is no one size fits all.

OH ex, well..I am on a support board for stepparents in addition to this board and there is an entire section dedicated to dealing with abusive ex wives/husbands.

one common thread running thru is that our partners all still feel responsible, everything that happens now is a result of them LEAVING the marriage..they still don't acknowledge fully that it was the behaviour that caused them to leave.
with DV, you are able to apply PTS so easily..for men who leave emotional abusers and wives with GASP! npd and borderlines it almost seems well, weak to attach PTS. My oh still beats himself up about his guilt with the kids, for the way his ex behaves now, her lifestyle choices, the fact she has completely dropped all her lifelong friends (well, most dropped her) she has chopped and changed and is almost a walking contradiction of who she was when with him for all those years..he thinks if he had just stayed it would all be fine. he does recognise that there were problems, that she is quite clearly off her rocker and fits NPD traits like a surgical glove..but he still thinks that everything that happens is a result of him.
he says all the time he understands why people stay for the children, to protect them from these abusers. Just like a woman beaten by her husband.

It seems to hurt him especially at the moment..he can see that while one of his children is full of empathy and grace, the other is displaying almost mirror like qualities to her mother.
Time will tell I suppose.

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10 years 2 months ago #208251 by polar
Haway, Couple of quid for the marriage licence with virtually no formalities, no legal representation and you can pop along to any venue virtually worldwide !!
I brough much to the table. Half a house, pensions , a job with reasonable enough income to bring up a child and support the purchase of her damn business.Also the very hard earned cash from my parents and grandparents was thrown into the pot by way of inheritance. She bought debts and a house with 100% mortgage. Oh what rosy coloured specs we must have worn. As her parents are still alive no inheritance there is taken into account. Theiving, cunning, conviving and Im sure that I could go on all day describing her behaviour.
But Ive got my respect and thats worth more than all the money she stole from me. And as there is F.A. I can do about it its better to learn and move on. Only trouble is once bitten twice shy and women now wonder why I will not make any commitment. What and be cleaned again !!
Polar

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