Inside the minds of angry & Controlling Men

I agree its not really a gender issue.... and if we keep making it one we won't move on from it. Some PEOPLE have controlling natures and some people are 'people pleasers'.... put the two together and throw in 'lack of communication' and you get a bad marriage.

How lucky are you wiki gals.You get a free insight into this every time you read one of me posts.FFS I should be charging

Polar - It wasn't intended on being a sexist post, just a factual one that statistically men are 90% more likely to be angry and controlling. I only recommended the book title!

Marshy - the author is infact a MAN and he practices to help these type of people AND their partners, whether still together or not.

Pete, maybe you should charge, your comments always cheer me up! If everyone gives you a penny, you'll be raking it in before long!

Finally, I recommended it for anyone, regardless of sex, to realise that you are not the one with the problem. It has taken me many years to see this, and the problem only gets worse (the book confirms this). This is a really sorry state to be in, and not a life I want for myself or my kids.

Only on chapter 4!

Be careful and safe,
Supercali xx

You shouldn't believe everything you're told.... how do you know men are more likely to be 'angry and controlling'...

SophieCavendish wrote:

You shouldn't believe everything you're told.... how do you know men are more likely to be 'angry and controlling'...

Funny, I've been smacked by my ex husband, but none of the women in my life have shouted me into a corner, hit me or forced themselves upon me whilst asleep. I remember watching my dad beat on my mum, my own brother was violent towards his ex, but I've never seen any of the women in my life beat on their man. But hey, I shouldn't believe everything I see, thanks for the heads up there Sophie.

And do not for a moment think that I am condoning women who bully and abuse men, because I abhor violence full stop. Nobody should be subjected to intimidation or abuse. There really is no place for it in any home.

It was said tongue in cheek !! Anything said on Wiki is usefull to try and sort out the minds of the wretched souls who post their first post in the void and chaos of the initial stages. Basically a relationship is controlling in many ways often by circumstances as simple as the obligations to pay bills or pick the kids up. Each gender taking on the rolls best suited to them. We accept this controlling behaviour as part and parcel of a relationship. We dont even consider it controlling. My X had a business. That business controlled her and our life. We both accepted it was the case. It was day to day life. What I didn't know was the plan behind it all. Control comes in many ways from denying sex to when she would take time off. I think it is so funny that she is even on a dating site now saying she can do what she wants ,when she wants. Course she can. Her mortgages and loans were paid off in the marriage (work controlled that). She doesn't have to look after the daughter any more as she is grown up. So control is not limited to physical violence or threats. It can be as simple as 'Im going on a course and you cant stay in the same hotel' . Accepted of course but that was keeping me in my place so she could carry out her extra curricular activities. As a side issue I have been reading a lot about control on the net and it seems that it is men who are losing control to the women who are basically demanding what they want or else.
As a lawyer friend said if he had £1 for every case where the woman left the marriage for selfish reasons only and screwed the man into the ground he would be a wealthy man.
So back to the original subject. I agree that anything in a book or posted on wiki to help anyone make sense of their situation can only be a good thing. All I hope is that anyone reading posts can slowly understand that elusive question ''WHY'' and come to terms with moving forward. Polar

Kimmi wrote:

Funny, I've been smacked by my ex husband, but none of the women in my life have shouted me into a corner, hit me or forced themselves upon me whilst asleep. There really is no place for it in any home.

Dont get me started lol. I was always told by my mum to not hit a women. My dad used to slap her her around and I would stand in front of her whilst she ran to the safety of the bedroom. I saw what it was like to live in a violent household. And when I married I vowed never to raise my hand to my wife or my children. I stuck to that maxim thruout my whole life.

So..... Imagine my shock at being struck by my wife? And becuase I was a man I was supposed to take it. I went thru my marriage thinkin she is only 5'2\" women. How could she hurt me? But being hit on the head with a walking stick or knocked off a chair does hurt. So does having a knife in yr throat. But I was ashamed of this. It was always put down to her PMT. It wasnt PMT. She was like it anytime she felt thretened. Could be me speaking about a work coleague or me wanting to go and meet a friend. Anything could set her off. I learned that I couldnt meantion certain people or situations that may spark an outburst. Or do anything that would start her off. But sometimes she would just go into orbit. Pick up the nearest thing and break it or throw it or just fly into a blind rage. I have never met anyone that could be so calm and nice one second and so violent within a split second. I still (gladly) have not met anyone like that.

But it got worse over the years. Knife to my throat. Slapped, punched, hit with walking stick, hot tea thrown at me, spat at. All in front of the kids that saw it all. This wasnt a man doin this to his wife. This was a wife doing it to her husband. Of course I have been shouted at. Been called all sorts of names and she tried to do some truly awful things to me. I never fought back. The only thing I ever did was not show that she had hurt me. I knew the poker face from childhood. Never show that they are hurting you. I was defiant. And I am sure that provoked her even more.

I think the one thing we all know deep down is that women also abuse. Some dont like to admit it and some just ignore it. But its there. Society thinks that most abuse comes from men. And I think the reason for this is that men dont like to report it. I never reported her to the police during the times before the affair. I never went to the hospital with the bruises. I was ashamed. I think this is true of most men. They just take the abuse like I did. This is why the statistics are so skewed.

I did try and stand up to her. In a non violent way of course. Tried to understand her. Tried to calm her down. Tried to apease her. Money, gifts, praise. The only thing that realy worked was apeasment. And of course money. Which she adores. And she just loves to humiliate. I think she loves this about the same as she loves money. And the funny thing is that everyone thinks that butter wouldnt melt.

I am ashamed that I didnt go to the authorities now. I should have reported her. I should not have tried to apease and please her by doing what she wanted. That was my real crime. But I have learned the lessons. If I ever meet someone now and they wack me, I will defend myself. Thats my lesson. Be it the law, or what ever. No one will ever take a knife to me ever again. No one will ever spit in my eye without me spitting back. The worm turned. If not a bit late. C.