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Inside the minds of angry & Controlling Men

  • Marshy_
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01 Jun 10 #206882 by Marshy_
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Forgot to add the one tradgedy in all this. Thats her kids. My ex step kids that took part in this abuse. They are sadistic nasty teenagers. That love the sight of someone being abused. And who taught them this? There mother. They now know that this is what you do to someone when you want to keep them in there place and what you do to get rid of them. Its not there fault that they have a vile excuse for humanity for a mum. Its the luck of the draw. C.

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01 Jun 10 #206972 by Flutterbye
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Polar - you are right - there are men who are abused just as women are, and I don't think this is recognised nearly as much.

I'm still waiting for the book to arrive, but maybe it can be read substutiting 'he' for 'she'..... will find out when it comes!!

Mare

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01 Jun 10 #206976 by polar
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Thanks for that. I think manipulation and threats are just as bad as violence. For example..now that I have had time to think a bit more...''If our child isnt't christened a catholic then we will be written out of the will''. '' I dont like your friend xxxxx' then snubbing them every time they come round. '' I want a diamond bracelet like......'' ''We need a xxxxx '' even though they know that this will cost extra effort on anothers part. And there is the one big bullying problem. Alcoholism. I suffered greatly from this from being snubbed by her behaviour at BBQs and parties.
Excluded from social events by non invitation. An attitude of FU2 at home. Sneering at anything you say. Oh bullying is as painfull as violence to many individuals. And that is not gender based. Polar

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04 Jun 10 #207342 by Flutterbye
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Hey Supercali - my copy arrived today. Sat in the garden and got to Chapter 5. So far cried a bit and learnt a lot!!

To anyone who has suffered abuse (male or female) I suggest you read it - SO insightful. Am going through it with a highlighter to see how much ends up relating to stbx - so far rather a lot!!!

Have to say it's reassuring to know that I WASN'T imagining it all, and that I was right in having my doubts and fears.

Mare x

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04 Jun 10 #207344 by polar
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No Mare you probably aren't imagining it. Its just you put up with it and are now beginning to make sense of your life. Goes back to things in my post 'going mad' .
Smile and the world smiles with you.
Polar

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04 Jun 10 #207352 by ambrosia
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I also had a book about Passive-aggressive men. This was most insightful. I could see my stbx on almost every page and every scenario. It demonstrated to me that these men (and it is also women!) cleverly manipulate you and you end up believing that it is all in your head. There is a thread on here about 'gaslighting'. This is a type of behaviour where men (and women!) try to make out that you are mad. Just like my stbx. He is there too. I dont know how to find and forward links on here, so you will have to search. Or do an internet search on it as there is alot on it there.

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04 Jun 10 #207355 by MontyPython
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And the whole point of the book is to recognise that a relationship with a controlling and angry person, is and can be very dangerous.
As soon as I filed for divorce, my stbx sees it as a challenge on his authority and has been clawing back control in any way he can. He is also furiuos that I am divorcing him (a common trait of i can't possibly want to) and he has showwn that he is capable of being violent. I called the police and there have been no other incidents so far, but I do fear him. And that is apalling.
The book also tries to help a person in such a relationship to leave the grasp of the abuser.
There are many types of abusers and if you are being abused in any form, you will recognise straight away.
And as for the "mad" issue, if someone calls a friend or family member this, then be careful of the person saying it (not the alledged).
I've still to finish the book, but feel happier that I know what is going on. Doesn't stop stbx actions but I am slowly dealing with things rationally.

Supercali xx

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