Somewhere in this thread the book How to Mend a Broken Heart by Christine Webber was recommended and I have now started it.
It''s pretty good so far, and one of the things she recommends is that you make a list of all the things you''ve lost as a result of ending the relationship. Then note down all the things you''ve lost because of or during the relationship. As she says the lists could prove illuminating reading and might give you a different perspective on your loss.
I am planning to try this and will start a new thread on the subject if I do.
On the other hand, she then goes on to say about guilt:
''Guilt is much more of a problem however for someone who chooses to end a relationship. Even if you have been wanting to get out of the relationship for a long time, there is always guilt when you finally do.'' Well I think I can provide the exception that proves the rule, and from what I have been reading there are plenty of wikis who could supply more!!!!
Guilt is rather a moral word, it speaks of conscience. For those who leave loving spouses after so many years building a life together, and not just leaving them but replacing them and stealing from them, conscience must need be shut off, for the magnitude of their actions would otherwise make it impossible to carry out. But conscience is powerful, so for their own self protection guilt is transmogrified into monstrous behaviour towards the stunned and broken spouse.
There, my take on why just a week before he left, he told me he loved me and couldn''t live without me and then when he left I am some powerful bi*c* from the nastier parts of hell. An attitude ow does much to encourage I might add.
So many things about my situation seem nightmarishly unreal that I don''t know whether to be more or less stunned when I hear that others have seen similar.
That he can behave in a way which is so OBVIOUSLY WRONG on every level (to me, to the children, to our extended family, on an emotional level, financial level, physical level) absolutely beggars belief. And then to act as though it is all perfectly normal and he is the victim makes me wonder if he is a psychopath.
PS I did start a table of losses as per the book, but won''t post it here as it gives too much away.
Maybe one day the table will look different but for now I have to say the list of things lost is still much longer in the first column.
Coming round to the idea though that not having to be married to someone who is clearly deranged might weigh heavily in the balance. Just got to get past divorcing someone who is deranged first, which won''t be easy.