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what book helped you??

  • rubytuesday
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16 May 11 #268213 by rubytuesday
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There are over 50 book reviews on all topics relating to divorce/separation in the Wikivorce library.

You can view them by clicking here

I read "I want a Divorce" by Simone E Katzenberg, this book begins with an analysis of the divorce process in seven stages: breakdown, shock, anger, pain, hatred, grief and acceptance. It then describes the legal process and how to negotiate it: solicitors, costs, first moves, finances, housing, types of orders, mediation, procedures and courts. Case studies are presented to illustrate particular experiences common to many marriage crises, and a list of relevant addresses and telephone numbers is provided. Although the legal section is slightly out-dated, its still very useful. Its currently out of print, but you can still buy second-hand copies on Amazon for a very low price.

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16 May 11 #268216 by rubytuesday
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For those in Scotland who wish to read a bit more about the legal side of family law, you cant go wrong with Joe Thompson's Family Law in Scotland - its a comprehensive guide to Scots family law, and covers -
1. Getting married and registering a partnership; 2. Legal impediments to marriage and civil partnership; 3. The legal consequences of marriage and civil partnership, part I: general; 4. The legal consequences of marriage and civil partnership, part II: moveable property; 5. The legal consequences of marriage and civil partnership, part III: the matrimonial and family home; 6. Divorce and dissolution; 7. Financial provision on divorce and dissolution; 8. Cohabitants; 9. Parents and children; 10. Children's legal capacity and rights; 11. Parental responsibilities and rights; 12. Actions in relation to parental responsibilities and rights; 13. Adoption; 14. Children in need: duties and powers of local authorities; 15. Children in need: emergency procedures and compulsory measures of supervision.

Its available from most bookshops, priced around £45 (for the 2011 edition)

If you want something a little less comprehensive, then "Family Law Essentials" by Kenneth Mck Norrie is well worth having - it covers all aspects of family law, written in an easy to understand style, with referencing to case law (with some very interesting additions).

Its priced around £12, and available from Waterstones

  • Louloucakes
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02 Jun 11 #271017 by Louloucakes
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i read

''its called a break up because its broken''

it helped me look at the situation in a different light and certainly helped me take the 'rose tinted spectacles' off.

i know i will keep going back to this book. its light hearted in places and funny at times and may not be for everyone but its written be people who have been there done that and came out happier. its certainly helped me focus on me a bit.

let me know if anyone has read it or reads it.


  • robinson25
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02 Jun 11 #271085 by robinson25
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hi yes i have just read it,it is a bit americanised but it has a lot of valid points. Only wish i had read it earlier as i did all the wrong things at the time eg getting in touch with ex all the time. saying that if i had read it 20 months ago i dont know wether i would have followed the advice, some things you just have to do your own way!

  • Shoegirl
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02 Jun 11 #271135 by Shoegirl
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It is a break up because it is broken in my view should be one of the first books you read when you have just been left. I was lucky because I read it early and cut contact with my stbx just under three weeks after he left me.

I achieved the recommended 60 days no contact and then went on another 10 days after this. It is true what the book says once you have cut contact for 60 days, it cuts the need for contact with the stbx in the future. I don't contact my stbx now unless there is something related to the divorce and even then most of this is done via email.

What can I say, this book worked wonders for me and saved me a shed load of pain.

  • jjones123
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02 Jun 11 #271160 by jjones123
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The first book that I discovered was 'There's hope after divorce' by Jennie Gordon. I found it for sale at a charity table at the local Tesco. I devoured it, and during the early days, it did give me a quite a bit of perspective. It's not brilliant, but it does give you the perspective that you're far from alone. It has a nice sub-title of 'be better, not bitter', and it tries to convey that this need not be a disaster but may well be an opportunity.

A very good friend leant me 'Rebuilding - When Your Relationship Ends' by Dr Bruce Fisher and Dr Robert Alberti, which has been mentioned before (he had a number of these books). This one was very good, and I really do recommend it. Again, it puts things into perspective. It's interesting since you understand different parts of the book more and more as you move along your journey. It has fabulous metaphors which really help.

My friend lent me another book: 'Crazy Time: surviving divorce and building a new life' by Abigail Trafford. To be frank, this one made me mad and actually made me feel worse. I felt the writer was terribly judgemental and I wanted to throw it across the room, stamp on it and then burn it. It is loathesome, but it astonishly has fabulous reviews on Amazon (with a couple of damning ones). Perhaps I'm the wrong gender... Avoid at all cost if you're a bloke (I couldn't help but sense an undercurrent of, 'it's all their fault, the b*stards').

If we're really talking about cheesy self help books, I ordered another copy of 'How to make friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie (which, I think, is the seminal book in this genre). Although the book insists that it isn't about manipulation (a word I utterly dispise, mostly because I was subjected to way too much of it), some chapters have raised my distinctly British eyebrows. This said, it did get me smiling again even though it was sometimes a very tough thing to do (especially if you're crying inside).

I was recommended (by Sair, cheers Sair!)another book, 'Emotional unavailability' by Bryn Collins. I liked it. I'm definately going to read it again (I've read it about one and a half times). Recommended.

I'm gradually easing myself back to fiction. I think the thing with fiction is that you really have to engage your emotions to relate to what it is you're reading, so I've (mostly) steer cleared of it. If anyone wants a recommendation about a popular science book about nuclear power, or a bloke-book about a motorcycle trip around the world, please feel free to send me a PM.


  • flowerofscotland
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03 Jun 11 #271226 by flowerofscotland
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These have possibly been mentioned but for any newbies, just a wee reminder:

relate series:

After the Affair - Julia Cole
Moving On - Suzie Hayman
Starting Again - Sarah Litvinoff
How to have a Health Divorce - Paula Hall
(Not really sure if this one works in my case!)

And also:

Transform your life - Penny Ferguson
The Star Qualities - Caroline Goyder
The Day my Life Changed - Carmel Reilly
Turning Points - Julia Ogilvy

And like you JJ hoping to have the concentration to get back to fiction sometime soon! It ain't easy at the moment, but I do miss escaping into other worlds!

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