I thought it would be nice to highlight to all the newbies on Wiki of a thread that was originally posted by Hadenoughnow and helped me tremendously with dealing with so many things in relation to my own separation. I found a good few recommendations on here. I hope it will help you all too!
The cinderella complex Collette Dowling (outof print 2nd hand on amazon)
This book is about working towards true independence. Its a book for women. A lot of women will recognise themselves in what is written certainly I did.
People of the lie - Scott Peck
Its a hardgoing book but nothing helped me understand the mindset of complusive liars than this book. Its advanced this book start with Mellody and Collins below.
The betrayal bond - Dr Patrick Carnes
Good book on why we get hooked into relationships that hurt us and why we can be loyal to abusers.
The intimacy factor Pia Mellody
Very good book about what healthy relationships should be and about establising healthy boundaries.Drawing on more than 20 years'' experience as a counsellor at the renowned Meadows Treatment Centre in Arizona, Mellody now shares what she has learned about why intimate relationships falter--and what makes them work. Using the most up-to-date research and real-life examples, including her own compelling personal journey, Mellody provides readers with profoundly insightful and practical ground rules for relationships that achieve and maintain joyous intimacy.
This invaluable resource helps diagnose the causes of faulty relationships--many of them rooted in childhood--and provides tools for readers to heal themselves, enabling them to establish and maintain healthy relationships
IMHO, she goes a bit off piste at the end but this is only the last chapter. Best book on boundaries I ever read.
Love Addiction - Pia Mellody
Mellody clearly outlines the ''toxic'' patterns played out by Love Addicts and the unresponsive Avoidance Addicts to whom they are painfully and repeatedly drawn. She shares personal experience and real case histories that
• Clarify the distinctions between codependence (how our relationship with our self fails) and co-addiction (how our relations with others become unhealthy entanglements)
• Describe how ''love at first sight'' can be the first step in the addictive cycle of attraction, fantasy, denial, and obsession
• Show how childhood experiences of abandonment or engulfment influence our choice of romantic partners, friends, and associates
• Detail the tango-like way that addicts activate one another''s primary fears and literally ''bring out the worst in each other''
• Hopefully, compassionately, and realistically outline the recovery process
Emotional unavailability by B Collins out of print but it is second hand off amazon
Psychologist Bryn Collins opens up the discussion about life with emotionally unavailable partners. She begins by unequivocally stating that you are not the problem. Collins uses solution-focused skills to help you identify, cope with, and change these painful associations and teaches you how to recognize and avoid emotionally unavailable partners in the future. This book also offers the emotionally unavailable partner techniques that allow him or her to learn to connect. Using case studies, quizzes, and jargon-free, easy-to-understand concepts, Collins discusses the most common types of emotionally unavailable partners: Romeos and Romiettes, who come on strong and then disappear; Indiana Joneses, high-intensity partners who always keep their heads - and their hearts; Tens and Other Trophies, who rely on their good looks to enchant without any real connection; Mama''s Boys and Daddy''s Girls, who never learned to feel their feelings and expect you to pick up where Mama and Daddy left off; ''Holics, who are more interested in the relationship with their addiction than with you; Emotional Einsteins, for whom love is an intellectual exercise, ... and many more.
Getting love right by Terencce Gorski
Now this is a good book if you are scared about moving on into a new relationship. Trust issues worry you - well this book addresses why stuff does not work and why it does in relationships
IT''S NEVER TOO LATE TO LEARN HOW TO LOVE
When you fall in love you may be repeating bad relationship habits that you learned growing up or in a previous unhealthy relationship. No matter what your history, "Getting Love Right" can explain how to build and maintain healthy intimacy, including:
* How to recognize if you are in a compulsive, apathetic, or healthy relationship
* How to become a person who is capable of healthy intimacy
* How to choose a healthy partner
If you are in a relationship or want to be in one, Terence T. Gorski will teach you that love isn''t just something that happens -- love is something you can learn
My counsellor got me doing a lot of reading - she knows I love books. These books have helped me no end and enabled me to get the most from therapy sessions.
Its not a book, but a short story within a book. Its a story I read every time I break up with someone. It kind of puts things into perspective for me anyway. Though I dont know if it would help anyone else here.
The book it is in is called Shatterday by Harlan Ellison. The story is called "Anywhere But Here, With Anyone But You" and it is about a relationship break up. Though it is handled from one of the weirdest perspectives.
The book is out of print I think, as it was published in the 1980s, but is available from Abe Books for about a pound plus postage.