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Feeling Lost

  • FrankieLee
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17 Feb 08 #14178 by FrankieLee
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My husband left for work on Friday morning and hasn't returned. We've been married just over a year, and although we've had tough times, I thought we would be able to make things work.

He has since contacted me and told me we're over. I've tried calling him, but he either ignores my phone calls or accuses me of being 'controlling' and that I'm 'ruining his weekend.'

I feel so lost, so confused, so hurt, and I'm trying to keep things together for our 4 year old daughter, but I know I'm going to crack.

I'm experiencing so many emotions. Resentment that he has walked out on our life and left the responsibility of our daughter solely upon myself. Anger that he's treated me in such a way. Grief at losing the man I cherish and whom I have always considered a best friend. One second I want to cry, the next I would gladly kick him.

I know it's still early days, but I'm finding it very hard to cope. I just can't believe that the man who claims to have loved me, wanted to spend his life with me, can be so cold and callous.

I'm torn between wanting him to come home, and wishing I'll never see him again. I want our marriage to be over, I can't live with a man who thinks he can treat me in such a way, but I love him with everything I have to give.

Is anyone else in a similar position? I'd like to talk to someone who is experiencing the same emotions because I feel like I'm losing my mind.

  • Pundit
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17 Feb 08 #14180 by Pundit
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Frankie Lee, I'm not in quite the same situation as you, but I am familiar with the emotions that you're describing. It must have been a huge shock to you. It's very unfair and childish of him to act in this way, and I'm not surprised you're upset.

Hang on in there, get through today. You're not losing your mind, these emotions are all very normal in a situation like yours. Which doesn't make it any less horrible, but you are at least not alone.

Try to be kind to yourself. (hugs)

  • gone1
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17 Feb 08 #14182 by gone1
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Frankie. No 2 cases are the same. Everyone is differnt. But what is common in most of these cases is the way that the other person can just turn on you. We all make mistakes and sometimes some of us give our love to the wrong person. One day they throw it back in your face. You will be feeling all kinds of emotions. This is common. What I can tell you is that as time passes you will settle down. Stick with us and we will help you along this rocky path. There are many who are walking the same rocky road as you and at times we all hold hands ;)You are amoung friends. Be strong, Chris.

  • fenderfunk
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17 Feb 08 #14185 by fenderfunk
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hi frankie. it all sounds horrible. cant imagine how you feel and wont pretend to, what i can say is my wife hit me with the ( i want a divorce ) 8 months ago now, and from that point she basicly stopped communicating or talking to me, as much as i tried to find a bit of common ground or just know why this was happening, its as if she shut down. or turned herself off, feel just abandoned--lost lifes in tutters, its as if the person i knew and loved and thought loved me almost changed over night into a diffrent person..gets to a point after 8 months you have to except whats happening for your own sanitiy, hopes a good thing but not when its false hope, funny how you think you know someone, only to find out there not that person atall.. hope it all works out for you,,,

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17 Feb 08 #14188 by dukey
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Hello i understand the roller coaster of emotions that you are expierenceing right now in my case my lover soul mate and best friend told me they no longer loved me its a bit like being hit by a bus, emotions run high from tears to anger and back again, it took a long time to accept if i have accepted it?.
Perhaps if this is such a shock and out of the blue your husband has not thought this through some time away from his wife and child may bring him to his sences, his thoughtless actions and hurtfull comments are more in keeping with a teenage tantrum.
If the cold light of dawn does bring him back to your door (on his knees) you both could try and work your problems out there is always hope, it dint work for me but fingers crossed for you.
If not we have big ears on this site always willing to listen day or night and there is much truth in the saying time is a great healer i dint think i would ever feel better but i do and you will to you also have the love of your daughter that you will never loose.
One other thing try and eat i did not dont use drink to ease the pain i did so please learn from my mistakes.
Best wishes and a huge hug come and see us all again soon,
dukey

  • ciaobella
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17 Feb 08 #14204 by ciaobella
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hi,
you've done the right thing coming onto this site, we will all help you get through this, beleive me. Seems that everything you knew just went out the window, and this is so distressing and makes you doubt your sanity and understanding of the life you led. Don't despair and don't blame yourself for any of it. You havent done anything wrong. We all know how bad you feel, and many of us are still hurting, but we know that time will help, its an awful cliche, but true. I swing from extreme anger and saddness all the time, but I'm learning to control the anger as it doesn't help me let go, which is what I need to do to move on.I've been having counselling and its helped, have you thought about asking for some help? A crisis centre? Its certainly helping me to be kinder to myself and stop the self blame and face reality, that my s2bx just isn't worth all this unhappiness and misery, and I'm going to fight for my right to find a decent honest man out there and learn to trust again. There's some great people on the site, lots of really good sensitive well adjusted men, which will give you hope. Best of luck and don't despair, pick up the phone and speak to friends and just talk when its really bad and come online and share it xxxx

  • Puzzled01
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17 Feb 08 #14224 by Puzzled01
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Dear Frankie

I completely sympathise with your terrible situation. 5 1/2 months ago my husband left me the night after admitting to having an affair with the woman we had just been on holiday with. I haven't seen or spoken to him since he told me he was leaving me, despite the fact that he works about 100 metres away from me, and I work with a lot of our mutual friends. He was my best friend and soul mate for 13 years and it turned out I had no idea who he was.

You will be in shock for a while, and cry and rant and rage and wish your partner was dead. But don't forget to breathe. If you can keep doing that; breathe in and out, then you will get there. It hurts to the core for a very long time, but it does start to get better gradually.

Everyone on this site has been incredibly supportive and helpful to me, and will be to you. It makes a huge difference knowing that other people know exactly what you are going through, because it really does feel like you are alone and nobody else knows what you are going through. Everyone here DOES.

Breathe in and out, best wishes
Hannah

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