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Feeling Lost

  • chip
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18 Feb 08 #14227 by chip
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Hi Frankie,
I'm quite new to this site and have been suprised how similar what other people feel here is to what I am feeling. I have been married for 21 years and my husband has walked out on me for a different life. I understand how you feel angry towards him, at first I thought if someone could treat me like this I was better off without them (which I still think) and was looking forward to my freedom although I had never dreamt we would split up and was happy. Its funny how quickly feelings change. I always thought if he left me I wouldnt cope but, am feeling alot stronger than I thought although have had a few days at the moment where I feel like my head is spinning and about to burst with it all! Just have to believe that this will pass. Also cannot stand the sound of his voice and wish he would disapear off the face of the earth for what he has done, unfortunatly he has told my son he is coming round tommorrow to talk to him as my son has got himself in a bit of trouble, hasnt told me he's coming - thinks he can just turn up as and when! Fortunatley I'm working tommorrow evening! Anyway what I'm trying to say is I understand your feelings and we have to believe that things will get better although it may be rough along the way at times but there are still good things that will happen inbetween and one day we'll be out the other side and stronger, wiser people because of it.
Keep smiling!:)

  • DP22
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04 Mar 08 #15722 by DP22
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Hi, My husband walked out on me 7 weeks ago saying he had no 'option' as he was unhappy with our life together. We run a business and are joint partners, I do admin and he does the hands on work. He has to come to the family home frequently and it is so hard for me because I still love him but he is cold and distant towards me. I have two girls, one is all over him (youngest) and the elder one will have nothing to do with him at all. I know she is hoping he will come back and by punishing him she is hoping to force him to do this but I am so worried for us all as we are very hurt and vulnerable at the moment and my children are my life. He has no idea what he has done to them both watching them hurt is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and yes I know I need to be strong myself to look after them but I feel that I have let them down because of the marriage break down. I have asked him to come to Relate but he will not here of it and is hell bent on getting me to divorce him, let him have the business and me the house (big mortgage). I am going to a Solicitors, he has already been but my heart is not in it, I feel tired, unable to eat or sleep and scared of the future. I empathise so strongly with you and feel we are at the same stage in this awful process.xX

  • Gingerkitty
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04 Mar 08 #15728 by Gingerkitty
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Hello – I’m very much in the same boat to, although I have had 18 months to come to terms with what I want. 18 months ago I crumbled and totally went to pieces. I really wasn’t myself at all and felt very worthless, all my confidence disappeared and why, well I was being bullied by my X2B into a person he wanted me to be, not what I wanted for myself. Both my children and friends could see this but I wouldn’t listen to them. X2B started an affair with a woman he had no intention of ever living with in order to “teach me a lesson”, the lesson was that if I didn’t look after him, he would soon find someone else to care for him. The “other woman” too has been very much used in his sad mind game and only last week, even though his relationship with her ended last year, he thought that by getting back with her that I would crack again – of course this didn’t happen.

I sought professional help for myself via my GP. It was a great relief to see a neutral person to discuss all my feelings without being judged. Initially there was an outpour of everything from my heart and feelings that I had kept locked away, once this was all out I felt able to deal with things and how I wanted my life to pan out. Gradually I began to like myself again and found out that in fact I was quite a nice person, not the person at all that my X2B had brainwashed me into thinking I was. Once all my feelings were out in the open they seemed easier to deal with and I went on from strength to strength. I do get my bad days when I fall into a “black hole” of despair but I now know how to get back out. These boards help because you can get your feelings into words and out in the open.
Suddenly, out of the blue, I was sat with my X2B, I looked at him and, wham, thought I don’t want to be with you anymore. It was an awful scary moment when that realization just whacked me. From that day on I knew that we were not to be together anymore.

I had been to Relate with him and he voiced his opinion of me which I took on board, however, when I was asked to contribute and said something that he didn’t like, he walked out and just left me in the room with the Counsellor. She was amazed too but saw in him what he tries very hard to hide – that bullyboy.

Initially I couldn’t see a solicitor to divorce him and events overtook me when X2B decided to take matters into his own hands and petition me. I accept now that the inevitable has happened and have faced my worst fear head on. Instead now of crumbling I am stronger and wiser and feel able to bring the marriage to an end in order that I may move forward, start afresh and enjoy the rest of my life being me once again.

Sorry it’s a bit long, but I hope its helped.

  • chester
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04 Mar 08 #15744 by chester
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i don't have achild to worry about but believe me you are not alone. My husband of 12 years left on Saturday to go to his tart. I can't sleep,eat and the only way I am getting through is with support from family. Who also want to kill him. The sad thing is I would take him back tomorrow and I am normally a strong person, but I would give anything to have him back. i feel like a greiving widow and just can't beleive I will feel normal again.
Don't suppose i'm helping but you are not alone with your feelings.
Take care and I wish you well x

  • DeeH
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05 Mar 08 #15919 by DeeH
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Oh Chester, I can so understand your pain.

I am perhaps some 6 weeks further on with this than you. There are still days when I could do physical harm to them both! BUT I have just reached the point where there is no return. I don't know the person my husband has become. I just do not understand how I could have been so blind and not see it before. Do reach out - go to your Dr if needs be. I am no expert but I can perhaps offer some hope that you will wake up one morning and feel a little better than you did the previous day.......

So many sad stories here. I find it tragic that what starts with passion and love can so quickly degenerate into hatred and fear.

Wishing you well

  • Emalou33
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06 Mar 08 #15924 by Emalou33
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I was wondering, my husband left me for another woman 14 months ago, and I still love him, when I am nice to him he i kind to me, and clearly still cares about me, but life was so tricky for us, everything seemed difficult in the last two years, we had taken too much debt/work comittments etc.

my question is - Is it possible to come back from this, are there any cases where H has left due to pressure and formed another relationship, but the love for his wife and family seem too strong to leave behind.

Or am I just being incredibly naive?


  • Mrs Ingledew
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06 Mar 08 #15961 by Mrs Ingledew
Reply from Mrs Ingledew
My stbx left 9 months ago and I can PROMISE you it gets easier.

I would never have believed even 3 months ago but it does.

Take it slowly and give yourself time to grieve for lost dreams and the death of person you thought you knew. The person now there is not the same ...

Look for a good thing each day to put you first . . read a chapter of a book (I read the same chapter time after time as I didn't register it), have a long sensous bath, drink a glass of good wine...(not the bottle if need be pour the rest down the sink!)

Give your self time ... it is a corny but it is a great healer...

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