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I'm Stuck ...

  • Gingerkitty
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17 Mar 08 #17021 by Gingerkitty
Topic started by Gingerkitty
After things went at a steady pace with the intial "courtesy" letters sent by my X2Bs solicitors indicating his intention to divorce me, it appears now that things have ground to an abrupt HALT.
My X2B is refusing to move out of the MH and I have asked that if it is his intention to stay that I would like him to contribute half of the household bills - he hasnt paid any household expenses all the 25 years of our marriage so I dont think that I am being too hard on him asking him to contribute at least a little now that he intends to divorce me. I have had his verbal response of "I'm not giving you anything" but he appears now to be avoiding his solicitors. I am also querying his eligibility to Legal Aid as he is self-employed and uses his earnings as "pocket money". I am adding up as each week goes by how much he should be contributing towards household bills etc and intend to deduct this sum off any financial settlement negotiations. Is this fair?
I dont think as yet that even the divorce petition has been filed at Court. From my X2Bs initial stance of lets get things over with asap, he, as the Petitioner, is now dragging his heels and I feel powerless. I am minded to give a time ultimatum that unless he gets a move on in issuing then I will bear the expense (as I am NOT legally aided) of getting things moving.
Sorry for my rant, I'm feeling a little low today.
Thanks everyone.
GKx

  • kidsinbulgaria
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17 Mar 08 #17041 by kidsinbulgaria
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Not a nice situation. I lived for a couple of years in these same circumstances (for the sake of the kids).

I would be interested as to how long you have lived in these circumstances for? and are their any kids involved?

I have read somewhere that you can still be classed as being separated even if living under the same roof as long as you meet certain criteria.

I do believe it is very hard to prove the necessary degree of separation because a lot of separate households under the same roof come to a status quo with still some degree of society and mutual regard.

Perhaps not the felicitous meeting of minds one might hope to find in a happy marriage but equally not a unilateral or consensual withdrawal from the actual state of matrimony by either or both.

i.e Not a great marriage perhaps but still a subsisting one.

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17 Mar 08 #17078 by Gingerkitty
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Hello and thank you for your response.

Yes, I agree, the marriage does not exist but he still seems to think its OK to be together and live separate lives. I am beginning to believe what members of his family have previously said to me, ie that he considered the MH as an investment and when he needed some money he would fabricate a divorce. This is indeed what he has done, in the first place having an affair which I foolishly told him that I could forgive in an effort to move forward with a stronger marriage and relationship.
As this hasnt worked, he is now divorcing me and some of the particulars he has stated have been twisted and lies to make me out to be an awful person, which I had been warned about, again by another member of his family.
It is quite unbearable living in the same house as him, especially when he pays nothing to live here and eats the food that I buy in the Supermarket for me and my children. I have two children in their early 20s, who are begging me to ask my solicitor to put pressure on him so that he goes. I suppose if I am truthful, he has always treated marriage with a single persons attitude ie he can do what he wants, when he wants. Again, fool that I am gave him free rein. However, over the past 2-3 years he really has become a stranger and has turned into a person that I do not know anymore and that lately I am unable to love, he killed any love I had for him with his unreasonable behaviour. I really should have done something about this before, but didnt have the strength.
I am now a lot stronger and even though I feel able to face my fear and deal with things head on, I feel so frustrated that things are now at a standstill.
Sorry again everyone for my whinging.
GKx

  • megan
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17 Mar 08 #17081 by megan
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whinging is good if it helps. Sometimes there isn't much anyone can say other than life can be sh.... but hang on in there it can only get better.

  • Gingerkitty
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17 Mar 08 #17086 by Gingerkitty
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Thanks Megan, yes a good whinge can make you feel better, that is why I find this site so good, getting things out of my head and down in black and white sometimes make more sense.
I often remind myself that the only way now is forward and a life without "him" will be so good. I have found myself again and realise now what I have been missing out on whilst being repressed by him for so many years.
I kick myself for not doing something sooner. I need to take positive action and have constructive thoughts to keep me going, as we are all in the same boat so to speak, it does help keeping in touch with you all.
I suppose too I am very annoyed that I have worked so hard to keep a roof over our heads and food in the cupboards, only to be punished now by him wanting what he deems to be his half. He also gets help with his solicitors' fees when I know that he has money stashed away, but I cant prove it. My solicitor is adamant also that he should not get legal help whilst living in the MH as my wage is to be considered as joint finances and as I am not entitled then he shouldnt be either.
Phew, do feel better for writing all that ....
GKx

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