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Scared and Alone life sucks

  • jelly4toes
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25 Mar 08 #17596 by jelly4toes
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hi mike hows it going? keep going for those kids.my pain was so bad yesterday.i felt again like i couldn't go on ,i wanted to die. i have a tip for you to try its
something i say to myself along the buddism lines it goes these feelings will pass they are just feelings that are passing thru.in times of desperation now 40% of the time instead of 99%.daft as it sounds it works.
i remember when the love of my life who i worshipped more than god left i could not move my legs to walk.i went to the supermarket andboy i was physically stuck i seriously couldn't move.i stood ther for ages not knowing what to do.now, i can reach the chocolate aisle no problem!

hugs steph

  • mike5555
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25 Mar 08 #17621 by mike5555
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LA LA Thank you for your kind thoughts.I see I am not alone
After all the years together I felt like we were a team.
Now I am living day by day as half a person,Started losing more pounds,Which if you look at my pic you can see I was ok size lol working out has helped me alot,Just pray I find true happiness again,soon to be ex called today to tell me she decided she wants to take everything she can from me,That didnt help cheer me up,Had to remind her that she fall out of love with me!!!!!!! oh well I cant cry
the pain is way to deep and wont come out,always thought
crying was a weakness,willing to try anything to feel human
again,45 years old and faced with all this DAM HER WE HAD EVERYTHING,BUT LOVE,HOUSE KIDS DOGS WEEKEND CAMPING TRIPS
SHE IS TRYING TO DESTROY ME,CANT LET HER,MUST STAY STRONG
AND INVOLVED,SITTING ALONE IN MY NEW APT WILL DRIVE ME CRAZY

  • Donnylass
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25 Mar 08 #17624 by Donnylass
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I rang The Samaritans the night I realised it was over between me + the stbx, when I had no-one else to talk to. The person I was lucky enough to speak to was a real life-saver. I wouldn't hesitate to call them again.
Good luck x

  • Elizabeth
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25 Mar 08 #17626 by Elizabeth
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Hello Mike555,

Keep on this site, keep working and enjoying the people you have around you, as you say you are not going to let her destroy you - she will have "won" then.

Don't understand the vindictive "taking you for everything" -just keep strong, you'll be fine.

I remember not being able to eat, lost two stone in about 6 weeks, standing in a supermarket not being able to even think about food but had a young child to take care of... eventually that all passes - thought it never would...

If you feel a bit down and you're in an area with card shops - go in and read the funny cards - avoid the "wife" section!!

Another helpful thing is to get a diary and write a something down each day or just whenever the mood takes - doesn't have to be daily but writing it down kind of gets it out of your system instead of thoughts swimming round your head like snapping sharks!

  • _lala_
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25 Mar 08 #17674 by _lala_
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It is so hard to stay upbeat when it seems someone is intent just on causing more pain but - and I need to listen to my own advice here - it's best not to react too strongly at such times because it just revs the situation up.

That's precisely what happened here today because he had decided to tell his work colleagues but couldn't stick to the basic facts and had to tack on the fact that it was his choice to end the marriage. My response was to get out of the house fast and ring a friend who listened patiently for the next half hour whilst I fell apart on her. Then I went back, calm and collected, and reminded him that it was he that wanted things to be 'amicable' so therefore he needs to think before he speaks in future in terms of the hurt that he may cause through unnecessary detail because I'm not about to give him too many more cracks of the whip.

Keep your self respect - if she wants to play dirty treat the situation with the contempt it deserves and remind everybody, including yourself, that you still have the right to be treated with dignity and respect. Don't, if you can help it, stay in front of the TV unless there's something mood lifting on and, if all else fails despite your best efforts, speak to someone like your doctor about getting some counselling and also consider going to a local support group for people in a similar situation.

Write your own emotional health plan - what do you need to do in order to feel better in the short term? For example, need to spend less time focussing on your current situation? How will you achieve that?

Remember, it will all come right in the end.

  • Elizabeth
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25 Mar 08 #17685 by Elizabeth
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LaLa,

I liked your reply to Mike, and you made a very valid point about deserving respect and it being hard when the other person is behaving in such a way.

My ex has gone one step further and taken my eldest son, he has turned him against me and the consequences are that I have not seen my son, he was nearly 12 when he was taken a five hour drive away. He is now 15.

Divorce in my experience solves absolutely nothing - I would have gladly gone to counselling but my ex just took off (after 19 years).

He has dragged me through courts and tried to "big himself up" whilst putting me down whenever he has had the opportunity. People tell me what goes around comes around and but it certainly does not seem to be that way.

Your reply is inspiring...

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26 Mar 08 #17716 by Elizabeth
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Have you tried belly-dancing?! It's a great social thing and harder than people think - good for tummy muscles too I found!

Also, Djembe drumming (African drumming) great stress reliever and also social without having to know a note of music... I go to festivals each year - some lovely relaxed people there and very calming - lots of things to do to make you feel better (Indian head massages etc..)

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