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Just feel like giving up :'(

  • Sanctuary
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25 Mar 08 #17661 by Sanctuary
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Thank you Ephelia & you are right, I couldn't throw her out. I had a lovely chat with her before I went out today & I told her how all this is making me feel, I have been trying to hide all my emotions away from all of my kids. As I want them to think i'm ok & have it all under controll. We spoke about how her dad is using her as "a go between" I have told her the next time he asks about me or wants to know about whats going on, Then he must contact me directly & not involve her.
I have decided on the advise of other members of wiki, to contact my absent husband via his employer & mark it private & for my husbands attention. As I have no contact address for him because he is living in his truck. I will then be giving him 1 week to respond before seeking legal advise & I will mention this to him.
I'm really looking forward, to getting my first job ever in my life :)I have really been fortunate to be able to stay at home bringing up the children.I must admitt i've always wanted to work, but I wasn't allowed as he soley wanted to suport the family.
I have since been told tht my husband was controlling.. I have tried to defend this. But I know & feel in my heart alot of things I wasn't allowed to do could be interupted as controlling.
A few examples
* I wasn't allowed out - because most my friends where single & single girls only go out to pull
*He wasn't happy if I had a friend that came to our house & he made that aware if they did & they never came back, Therefore I have lost a fair few friends
* I kept all the till reciepts in the coffee jar so I could show him I wasn't wasting money, I never ever bought anything we didn't need & I never spent money on myself unless I needed it. I'm now only over the past week throwing reciepts away
* If I wore lipstick, He accused me of going to see someone
* I was only allowed to have my hair coloured & trimmed not cut, Hence when he left I had it all cut off. i'm now growing it because "I WANT TO GROW IT"

I am so greatfull to all of you, Atleast on here I can feel asthough i'm a someone worth while & I have friends out there tht are always prepard to listen & offer your advise & suport
ilu all x

  • mike62
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25 Mar 08 #17662 by mike62
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Sanctuary,
It is so good to see you take a whole new perspective on things. There really IS life beyond this mess. Don't be under any illusions, you have a long way to go yet. But you are becoming positive, the all important first step. Good luck on your journey and don't forget that there is always a helping hand here. Take care and be good to yourself
Mike

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25 Mar 08 #17668 by Sanctuary
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Thank you very much Mike :)& yes i'm slowly but surely starting to have a more positive approach x

  • Ephelia
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25 Mar 08 #17671 by Ephelia
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Now this brought back memories! My ex-husband was as controlling as yours - even down to keeping my receipts for him to 'check'!!

In the 8 years since we separated I've learnt to manage things myself and I grew to love being on my own, having a job, making my own decisions; then 2 years ago I met a new bloke, who is just great and so very different. Life just keeps getting better and better.

Mike's right - it takes time and is a slow process but things will one day be better. Good luck!

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25 Mar 08 #17672 by Sanctuary
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I'm still coming to terms, with what my husband expected as "controlling" & i'm sure alot more things will spring to light as time goes on.
And go you Ephelia :)I'm glad there is light at the end of all this
Many thks again x

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