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horrible feelings

  • newchptr
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26 Mar 08 #17728 by newchptr
Topic started by newchptr
How do I move on from these horrible feelings?
They just keep on coming and I am getting exhausted.
I'm trying to understand what I will have left after the divorce and it doesn't look like a lot and also seems to be along way off.
I just want to go but have to continue living in this house with my wife.
I keep on thinking about the affair that she has had and if it is still going on. She is going out tonight whilst I stay in to look after the kids.
We were married for 15yrs and have two children (8/12) - I was always the bread winner whilst she stayed at home. Now she has and affair (the 2nd one) and says she doesn't love me anymore and wants a divorce. I’m 49 this week and now facing the prospect of renting on my own, having a low income and will be missing seeing the kids every day – this doesn’t seem fair. I just feel sick and upset.
There doesn’t seem to be anything I can do but just wait whilst I am slowly tortured and abandoned.
How do I get over this? I just seem to be stuck.

  • Ephelia
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26 Mar 08 #17730 by Ephelia
Reply from Ephelia
I'm so sorry to hear what's happening to you - this sounds an awful situation. I've had things happen in my life that left me feeing devastated and know that awful exhausting feeling. It doesn't help to be told that things will get better, but they will and I think the best advice I can give is to act as if you believe things will improve - NOT easy but for the sake of your children and your sanity you need to believe this.

There's another poster on this site who is going through an awful time at the moment and her advice is that people should 'chunk down' their activities and she's right, it's really good advice. I know from my experience that if you think about 'big things' you'll feel overwhelmed, so start small until you feel stronger.

Start doing things to prepare for the future: read up on how to prepare the children for the changes about to take place in their lives; get good sound advice on finances - divorce does bugger them up, so you must work out the best way of dealing with this.

You're right, all this isn't fair; its ok to feel pissed off and angry about your situation, and you wouldn't be human if you didn't; however, in my experience anger eventually just makes you feel sick, so use your anger - channel it into action and get yourself help and advice, and once you've got that begin acting on it. Little steps until you feel stronger.

Eventually you will begin to feel better and you have to hope that in the future life will again be happy and you'll be content. Human beings are amazing creatures and can survive the most awful things. I'm quiet sure that once your initial shock has subsided you're inner strength will emerge.

Good luck and keep posting - knowing you're not alone in all this will help.

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