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Feels Like I'm In A Dream

  • CrusaderGirl
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16 Apr 08 #19674 by CrusaderGirl
Topic started by CrusaderGirl
My husband moved out back in January of this year and the divorce was started in March.
Since he told me in March that he wasn't coming back and that there was someone else, my life has been turned completely upside down.
I just seem to be going backwards and never seem to go forward, if I do start to go forward something else just knocks me back.
When I speak to friends at work I always put on a brave face, but sometimes that face cracks. At the moment it feels like I'm in a dream and someone will wake me up in a minute.
My husband said he fell out of love with me over 7 months ago when he left, which coincided with his new job move. I did say he should of spoke to me then.
I have never cried so much in my life, Andrex Toilet Roll sales have increased this year.
When I'm at home I have no one to talk to, only my border collie and he don't understand I word I say. I do have people to speak to but no one really to pore out my wows to.
So I think you will see my name on this site quite a lot, and perhaps I will wake up from this dream and it will be 2009 a New Year and definitely a new start.:huh:

  • KDEN
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16 Apr 08 #19678 by KDEN
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hi i know how you feel my wife walked out on me and my 12 year old son last october ,i could not find a way forward either i done and said so many things to get her to come home with out any luck i done my crying and fighting and could not find a way forward until i found this site about 3 weeks ago by chance and it has helped me slowly find a way ahead it is hard for us men too i never got any real reasons why she left but after talking and just listening to people on here has helped me slowly come to terms whats happening and i am slowly inching forward and i never thought i would but i think you will you ve started the first step by asking for help and by talking the same as i did good luck ;)

  • Sera
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16 Apr 08 #19681 by Sera
Reply from Sera
CrusaderGirl wrote:

I have never cried so much in my life, Andrex Toilet Roll sales have increased this year............
When I'm at home I have no one to talk to, only my border collie and he don't understand I word I say.

The Boarder Collie probably understands more than most ex-spouses, (or so it would appear if you read enough posts here!)

January is quite recent. People will expect your face to crack, in fact, when I had dinner with friends recently they said how great I looked and stated "you don't look like someone going through divorce"! (So, don't be embarrassed about crying in public or at work).
Don't beat-yourself-up about feeling down, it's a weird thing, but time really will heal.
When my ex said there was someone else (last July) I crumbled, rolled up crying for a month in a feotal position. He'd said "I'm going off to **ck other women - because I no longer want to fu** you"
Nice man!

Hey ho, that was LAST YEAR!!! I was oredered out of the house last November, and to be honest it's the best thing the Judge did for me, Rid me of more of his dysfunction.

Now, many months on, I started going out, I have met a wonderful, sexy new man.. and I don't have to live with the 'other women' rubbish in my face anymore. I am someones new woman, and I am beautiful, valued and wanted!

You'll have days of extreme mixed emotion, highs and lows.. and this is to be expoected. You may have suicidal tendencies even, (Thinking about it os OK, doing it is not!)

So, my advise: "Don't let the barsteward get to you" !!!

Stay here and nurse your way through it all, in this wonderful community!

  • marriaa
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16 Apr 08 #19682 by marriaa
Reply from marriaa
Hi,I can imagine what you are going through.Even when it is expected it is very hard .I am sure you will wake up one day and realise that he has done you a favour,you will find someone who will appreciate you .Time is a great healer in the mean time if you can put all your energy into rebuilding your life instead of moaning him."Would you want him back?when will be the necttime he goes again?"you will be the winner at the end of this nightmare.
take care.

  • KarenS
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16 Apr 08 #19685 by KarenS
Reply from KarenS
Hello Crusader Girl
I know exactly how you are feeling. It is strange really I was just feeling really low again and thinking this is all a bad dream and I am going to wake up in a minute so thought I would pop onto the site and there was your post. It is like a bad dream and lots of people on this site have told me it will get better. It does not feel like that at the moment. My husband left me in February for another woman (15 years younger than me). Up until then I thought our relationship was fine - he told me he loved me every day and continued to make love to me up until the day before I discovered his affair and he left. He now tells me that he fell out of love with me 2 years ago - like your husband says he fell out of love with you. This is just their way of trying to justify the deceit and betrayal. Every day is a struggle, I have 2 children boys aged 13 and 18 so I have to carry on although sometimes I no longer wish to. The constant thoughts of him with someone else is driving me crazy. Do you have any children? Do you know the other woman? Have you met her? I know nothing about my ex-husbands new woman but have a burning desire to confont her but I am just not ready to do that yet. My husbands affair also co-incided with his new job move although she moved with him to the new job as well. I have been married 12 years (together for 25). I find myself crying all the time as well but I think we need to do this as part of the grieving process - it honestly feels like they have died doesn't it?

This site will really help you. You are not alone. There are so many other poor souls in the same situation as us. Remember none of this is our fault. My husband also had an affair 8 years ago (which had been going on for 5 years)and again he left me then as well. Only to beg me to take him back after 2 months and give him another chance which I did. The worst mistake of my life, another 8 wasted years. I know that now there is no going back but it doesn't make the pain go away.

Please visit the site when you are feeling down and hopefully it will help you like it has me. Send me a private message if you want to talk. Karen xx

  • Milady
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16 Apr 08 #19687 by Milady
Reply from Milady
I really feel for you. It's nearly a year since I was in that awful situation, and it's all coming back to me a bit now. The thing I've learned is that this is a process you have to go through. Even though you want it to stop, it's not something that "stops". It changes, takes you through highs and lows, but it's a journey. The good thing is that you can choose the destination and how you travel. You just can't change the starting point.
Try to do something just for you every day. For me, some days this was just to get myself out of bed! On other days it was girly clothes on, full make-up and out to the shops! Or painting the kitchen a colour I love but he would never have allowed! A little rebellion can be hugely liberating.
Please believe me when I say that you can get through this, and that people on this site will always be here to listen and help.Good luck ;)

  • jelly4toes
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16 Apr 08 #19694 by jelly4toes
Reply from jelly4toes
little baby steps are the only way to deal with the torture.It is now17 months wed i sat in my car for 6 hours wanting to die.today i have caught myself thinking i am not a bad person i am not to blame i think i am a good kind woman.I was also thinking this is our home to lose this i have lost my soul.I then had a moment after all this time when the penny dropped that my ex really doesn't care about what happens to me.I had always pretended that he did. I may feel differently in an hour.Its up and down,up and down thats grief.

hi to karen s great to see her getting into the swing of the site and holding a hand out to the next poor baby.I am not sure which is worse losing the man you would have died for to a female 15 yrs younger or as in my case losing him to a woman 3 years older that looks like a tranny!The dog will be your guiding star my wee flossy pops(name chosen by daughter,second choice i drew the line at cupcake)those little eyes that look up to you with unconditional love will help you so much.My little dog realised i couldn't face the day every am she has stood on my head and licked away my sorrow and forced me out of bed.

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