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Can't cope anymore

  • ydalyxof
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08 May 08 #21897 by ydalyxof
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Sorry to hear what you are going through..
I can understand what you say..When I filled in the E form the stuff they ask for is ridiculous..Im a very private perosn and to give total strangers your bank details is awful..My ex lied anyway on his E form, but what can you expect !!...
I understand what you say about you wished the kids didnt want to see him as the should side with you..I wished my son didnt want to see his father again...but he doesnt see him that much anyway, probably once a month..
Please take care as there are lots of us going through the same thing..Jackie

  • patriciahelen
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08 May 08 #21909 by patriciahelen
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I am sat here contemplating ending my life it is not acpwards way out but I can see no end I was married for thirty years to a wonderful man or so I thought He left me two years ago and since then he has tried to break me at every turn.He will not speak to me and my solicitors bill is astronomical because it all goes through him . My house is up for sale and this week an offer of £20,0000 less tha the asking price was given My husband wants me to accept it and threatens me with notpaying the bills if I dont .I returned to a teaching job but I cannot hold it down and so after the summer I will be unemployed As I am 54 I hthink the likely hood of me getting a decent paid job is low. I know I cannot pay the bills .However I have already been given half of my divorce settlement and put it in the bank as I need this for my future My ex says I can pay the bills with this I see no way out my son lives with me at the moment but ismoving out because he says I am too depressed and it upsets him He will not talk to me and this greatly hurts me My other son lives away and he hardly gets in touch I beleive that by kiling myself I will be less of a burden Please PLEASE WHAT CAN I DO ?

  • hadenoughnow
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09 May 08 #21919 by hadenoughnow
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By coming here and sharing your despair, you have taken a really positive step.

You are among friends and, although no-one here can take away the pain you are feeling, we can give you at least some of the support you so obviously need.

Although anti-depressants are not the answer to everything, it sounds to me like you may need to go and talk to your GP about how you are feeling. And ask if you can be referred to counsellor to help you deal with the feelings you have.

Talking always helps - even if it is just coming into that chatroom here to meet some new friends.

And if you want to tell us more about your situation, we may be able to help you get to grips with the finances.

Where are you in the process? Do you have a Decree Nisi? How far have the ancillary relief proceedings got?

I know it is hard when you are feeling as you do - but you have a lot to offer the world and when this is over - and it will be - you can look back and use your experiences to help others. We all know how tough it is; we have all been there .. or are there right now. :(

Get in touch and tell us more ... you are not on your own.


  • mumov4
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09 May 08 #21922 by mumov4
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First of all you can sit up and take a deep breath and focus on what you have to do to get through this and be more positive about the future and stop with the silly talk and ending things. You are just feeling sorry for yourself and i am sorry if it sounds hard but the only one that can get through this is you and no body else. This man of yours sounds like a right bully. Mine is the same always blackmailing me if i didn't do this and that. I know it is hard and your son that is living with you and wants to leave i have been through this with my son and he is still here with me. For ages after my split with my ex i was feeling sorry for myself and wandering what i can do to move on but my ex just kept pulling me back so i decided not do discuss anything to do with my ex in front of my two children as i could see that it was too upsetting for them and it seemed to work. When i had my accident two years ago and nearly died i was in a coma for a week with a serious head injury and i could see then how much my children were upset that they nearly lost me that night if it wasn't for the quick thinking of my son. There have been moments after that night i've said "i should have died that night at least i wouldn't have to put up with all this crap". But then i said no my children mean the world to me and he might have taken everything else from me and left me with no money and having to care for his children while he gets on with his happy life with his new partner. I am better then that and i can get through this with help from my kids they are the ones that have helped me through this. I know it sounds hard but i just say to myselfI have got a second chance at life here and there is no way he is going to put me down anymore. You are the one that has to take control of your own life and don't let him get to you believe me i know what that is like i've just had him on the phonedemanding to see our youngest child in the next two weeks for her birthday. The thing is she is the one that doesn't want to go with him and he won't listen. At the end of the day it is our kids happiness that counts ours is a labour of love so please put the silly talk away it will get you nowhere. Better still go and see your doctor and get them to listen they might be able to give advise as to what proper action you should take. Remember think positive your life is worth a lot more than what you are going through.Keep your chin up. xxxxx

  • Dorsetphoenix
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09 May 08 #21938 by Dorsetphoenix
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Hi Patricia Helen

Firstly, I see that the time of your message was late last night - tiredness sometimes makes things seem worse than they might be.

I have not felt quite as low as you, I was left with an 18 month old and 2 teens so ending my life was not an option. I do feel the dispair of poverty, and I know how things go round and round in your head trying to find the answer. I did take anti-depressants and saw a councillor - it really helped. If only to help me sleep and rest properly.

I know from my own experience that it is hard to make any decision that will affect your future. May I suggest then, that you work the process backwards.

Where do you want to be this time next year? What sort of house do you want to live in - what can you afford, will downsizing mean you can be mortgage free, or with a small mortgage, if it is not what you want will it get you there in a few years time? Your job, do you like teaching? If so is there something a little less intense you could do in the meantime, if you don't like it - what would you like to do instead?

I only ask this because you really need something to look forward to. Get yourself some paper and make a list. Once you have written it down, you will feel a bit better and maybe motivated. For example start trawling the internet for the ideal house, or the stepping stone house, it will start to motivate you. As sad as it is, this new chapter in your life is yours - it does take time to say farewell to the old you, particularly in a long relationship, I did 20 odd years and I'm still struggling with my old ways of thinking. I've decided though that if I have nothing, I also have nothing to lose by being bold!

I really think if you are feeling like there is no hope, you should see your GP for something to help - it's not a failure, as I first thought. The tablets do take a few weeks to slow your wizzy head or washing machine tummy down but enable you to think and sleep better.

Keep in touch and remember you are not alone. Have a little faith in yourself xx

  • davidpaul
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09 May 08 #22000 by davidpaul
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can you private message me,hopefully i a can help re feelings

  • jelly4toes
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10 May 08 #22011 by jelly4toes
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I am sorry that life feels so awful.I completely understand I have been suicidal and self absorbed with all consuming depression.As a result of ex 2b leaving me with all the debt in my name I was forced to go bankrupt.I almost lostmy job.I was almost totally destroyed.The fdr resolved nothing.The ex2b is trying to et our home repossed and heis dodging the CSA this is a man who earns 70k.I am trying to be a mother to our 9year old.Ex2b is residing with the rich girlfriend and will crtainly rip her off at some point.I have been at the bottom of the barrel evn lower than that.I found that the principles of buddism helped me ie this thought shall pass,meditation also helped bigtime.It all feels completely hopeless when you are so low.People saying pull yourself together need shooting.You must concentrate on getting thru the next day,hour,minute.Your teaching qualifications are the key to your recovery.I think that at sometime in the future you need to look at the pssibility og going to a foreign place to teach like a volunteer thingy.now that probably sounds far too much now but in the future its not do some research.you could do some vol work teaching english to eastern europeans I think that is a good way forward.baby steps are the way forward.and don't have any ontact withex2b it takes you back to square 1 every time.

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