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Do us mothers have to be perfect all the time?

  • greenfrog
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09 May 08 #21962 by greenfrog
Topic started by greenfrog
:SMy h has left a although not admitted to us is living with his new woman. This afterenoon after school I had to take my youngest son to collect some sport equipment and knowing the eldest would want some spending money left him with some jobs to do. I have been dashing around all day as today is my day off. Got back to a half hearted attempt by the eldest, just so he can get his spending money so i set about with the youngest finishing tidying up anyway I ended up having awobbler and saying I bet your Dad and his girlfriend arent doing housework but enjoying a nice drink in the pub on a nice evening like this. Eldest not happy about this said I was upsetting youngest. I know ..... should not havesaid it and am know feeling like ive put my foot in it again. I feel sooooo angry but have to be careful in front of the kids all the time. Can someone say something to make me feel better. Will I ever not feel like this. This good weather isnt helping as all the couples are walking out to the pub for an early evening drink in this nice weather and I am stuck in feeling sorry for myself cant see a wayout of this.

  • sexysadie
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09 May 08 #21963 by sexysadie
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Don't worry, we all do this sometimes. It's OK to get it wrong occasionally, so long as you are aware that you shouldn't do it and try hard not to. The children will survive. It gave your elder one an excuse to have a go at you when he already knew he was in the wrong because he'd not done the jobs properly, so although he was right he wasn't exactly playing fair himself.

I am sure that most of the time you do your best to speak well (or at least badly) of your ex to the children. Of course it upsets them when you don't, but no-one's perfect. In the grand scheme of things a few irritated words are not going to be that important.

It is hard when you feel that everything is passing you by and you are stuck at home with the kids. I expect we all feel like that too, from time to time. You will feel better in time, and you will also start to feel confident enough to get babysitters and go and have some fun yourself.

Good luck,


  • megan
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09 May 08 #21968 by megan
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It must be so hard to not say what you feel about him to your children. I think you should be proud of yourself that most of the time you manage not to say the wrong thing rather than beat yourself up that on this occasion you did.
My kids are grown up and I have been able to say what I want to who I want. But it gets easier and now the venom has settled and I don't feel the need to say anything about him any more and at times I just feel sorry for him.
It will get easier hang on in there and you will smile again, honest.

  • greenfrog
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09 May 08 #21973 by greenfrog
Reply from greenfrog
Thanks Sadie and Megan

Im smiling again already its amazing what a little reasurance can do and yes its not fair, but we all know this, and Ive just got to deal with it. Most of the time I am okay and yes probably doing a good job. Thanks again.:P

  • roseanne
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09 May 08 #21985 by roseanne
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Hi Whatnow
No mothers DO NOT have to be perfect.Although media and peer pressure seems to tell us we should be. But we are human too.
How old are your kids? Mine are 14 and 17. I find the hardest part in parenting after divorce is pitching your comments to kids about the ex at the right level. The gospel is that parents do not bad mouth the other parent. With little ones this is relatively easy to follow. But with older kids it depends very much on their relationship with the other parent.
For various reasons my kids could have a better relationship with their father. I find it hard to tread the fine line between being honest with them and prepared to frankly discuss their feelings but yet making sure you do not diss the ex. If I just spoke well of him when they complain how he has let them down etc I would be lying. But I try hard not to let my feelings about him colour my response
At the end of the day bringing up kids is hard and I am sure you are doing your best and a great job!

  • rubytuesday
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09 May 08 #21987 by rubytuesday
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Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn't come out of shag carpets.
Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask "Why me?" and get their answer when a little voice says, "Because I love you best."
Real Mothers know that a child ' s growth is not measured by height or years or grade...It is marked by the progression of Mama to Mom to Mother...

The Images of Mother

4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.

14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.

16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it.

35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom ' s opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows

  • markp
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09 May 08 #21999 by markp
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what you should remember is that your there for your children and yes you might make some mistakes, but when their older and look back their will understand better. although its us parents with care that feel we have to be perfect because we know that the one that walked out is selfish and put them selfs before our kids

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