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that awful empty i am a failure feeling

  • jelly4toes
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10 Jun 08 #25550 by jelly4toes
Topic started by jelly4toes
22 months into this thing and i really can't shake those feelings off they haunt me everyday.i feel stuck.i look around and most other folk seem to have alife that i always wanted even when i was with ex2b it never felt normal like other peoples mainly because he didn't like other people or anyone really.In fact most everyone we encountered were idiots according to him.i am stuck working unsociable hours i cannot afford to switch to normal hours,I do not know how to move forward.is there anyone out there who has any good ideas how to get to the other side of this.I feel like i am going to be still alone and a misery guts when i am 75 at this rate

  • rubytuesday
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10 Jun 08 #25552 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
Hello Jelly

You are not a failure!
Your x2b sounds just like mine "he didn't like other people or anyone really.In fact most everyone we encountered were idiots according to him." - I know how this make you feel, and you feel that everyone is making assumptions of you, based on thier opinion of him. You are an individual, with so much to give to others, and your "old" life with him has made you think that you are a failure - you have a whole new life ahead of you and your beautiful daughter, its just taking you time to "get there". We all take time to "get there", and for some, it takes a while longer. You leave uplifting replies to others when they write posts full of dispair and anguish - its out turn to give back to you.
Have you thought about trying new activities, I know this is difficult when you work the hours you do, prehaps there is a work mate who can participate with you who also works unsociable hours?
When you are feeling in need of some company,pop into the chat room, there is no such thing as unsociable hours in there!
Look after yourself, Jelly, and in time (that damned word again!), things will start to seem better and the sun will shine for you.


Ruby xx

  • Marshy_
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10 Jun 08 #25556 by Marshy_
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Well you still have some sense of humor :)There is no magic cure and you are as stuck as you want to be. The answer is not in getting a replacement (ask me how I know). The answer is in you. You are the key to yr own happiness and future. Its upto you what your future is.

No one said this process is easy. Its not and it will take a very long time to get over it. So dont berate yourself that you havent moved on. And you dont know what goes on behind closed doors. All these happy people around you may not be. People are good at hiding disatisfaction and un happyness. Its what we do very well.

What I did for a long time was put on my happy face each morning. Think positive as well. After a while it stuck. Now when I am sitting in the garden smoking my 1st fag and having that cuppa it just slips on its own and the smile is a mile wide by the time I leave for work.

I know your situation aint the best. But its not the worst either and you are feeling sorry for yourself. But thats OK cos this situation is shit and you are allowed to feel sorry for yourself. But dont make this a permanant feature.

What I do to stop myself feeling this way is think about all the positives in life. You could do the same. You may find that you have a better life now that you are on your own then you did before.

In time you will be a stronger better and more positive person if you want to be. You only have to want it and you will be in time. Most people are not like this and people will flock to you. You will exude all the good things that money cant buy. And guess what? You would have done this on yr lonesome. Fantastic new you. Where did U leave that happy face? There ya go hehe. F.

  • mike62
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10 Jun 08 #25564 by mike62
Reply from mike62
Jelly Wellies,
I have to say that I have seen such a huge change in you from when you first joined Wikivorce. Your personality shines through, as does your humour. That certainly wasn't the case when you first came here. That is not such a long time ago. Whilst you have had some pretty awful times, to me you seem to be largely over the worst of it. Still whole mountain ranges to climb, but you got through a very difficult time. All on your own. Takes some guts to do that.
What does that say? Well, you have come this far, so you can still continue to grow in confidence and new opportunites will arise. Your mindset is so much more positive, which bodes well for taking those opportunities. You never know what is around the next corner.
You will get there, you know you can do it. You have your wiki buddies willing you on.

  • jelly4toes
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10 Jun 08 #25584 by jelly4toes
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am feelimg very much like jellyflop at the moment jelly flop is the younger sister of the mario bros.I keep running bacwards and forwards along thos platforms or mountains as mikey calls them.dodging thos big boulders and scary monsters.there feels as if theres a big monster in fromt of me with his hand pressed firmly against my forhead.He's tellin me I ain't going nowhere but those little fat hairy legs that i have in common with messr barney rubble keep running as furiously as they can in an attempt to get to destination unknown.My spirit tells me nas does my intuition that there is somwhere to go a special place far away from my stuckness.I am keeping that in mind when the days feel bleak.
It is so important to not think about the ex2b and what their new perfect life is like because it is so very destructive.This is my thought for the day.
I am still horrified at the thought of the level of deciet within my marriage of 20 years.I feel so very sad that someone can choose that course of action ie to lie and lie and decieve so badly..I don't know how on earth a person who has been on the recieving end of that can ever ever trust someone again when one's basic human fundamental values have been infringed in such a way the damage feels like permanent terminal emotional damage.

  • phoenix1
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10 Jun 08 #25594 by phoenix1
Reply from phoenix1
The answer to your question ''there feels as if there's a big monster in front of me with his hand pressed firmly against my forehead'' All you need to do is kick him hard in the ''nuts'' then your free to life your life. Sounds easy I know but half of the battle is about feeling positive and looking forwards to the future,and making sure its a future that you want.

As for trusting someone again, this may sound strange but I thought exactly the same as you, but when you meet the correct person it doesn't even enter your head.

As for meeting people, it's not just about joining clubs etc it's about saying yes when you would normally of said no, Try new things that you didn't think you would like but most importantly work around with your head held high and a smile on your face as nobody wants to talk to a miserable looking Barny Rubble

All the best


  • Ninjas have more fun!
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10 Jun 08 #25597 by Ninjas have more fun!
Reply from Ninjas have more fun!
It is amazing how many of us have gone through the same experiences feeling isolated and alone and yet there are so many wonderful people in here wanting the best for others and giving hope and support. Jelly I can totally empathise and sympathise with you. we split up just over seven months ago and I am still feeling raw. At least the awful feeling of dread has gone. Like you I don't know how I will ever really trust again. There were too many lies and deceits thatI have discovered. I was made to fee paranoid but all my fears (and far worse) were actually correct. Why did I stay so long - because of the children because I was so downtrodden not only couldn't I see the wood for the trees I had forgotten what a tree was!

There is always hope and as Ruby says it does get better, I still have my moments of utter despair, particularly as he is being so vile. But I do know now that we are better off without him and his controlling and manipulative ways. I just pity the next poor woman who gets involved with him.:)

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